IF

Um, yes, I look a bit tired.  But WHO CARES!?!?!
It's JEN HATMAKER!

It's not very often that I find myself speechless.  This will come as no surprise to many of you.  I am a lot like my dad in the sense that I'm pretty sure people want to hear me talk about anything and everything.  However, last weekend I found myself in the presence of my BFF, Jen Hatmaker, and I found myself a bit speechless.  Star-struck if you will.  I wish I would have just remained speechless, but instead I rambled on nervously about how my friends think I stalk her, and on and on and on.  Oh.my.lanta.  Just stop talking my head is telling my mouth, but I can't.  I'm already in too deep and she is already thinking I am beyond psycho and worth filing a restraining order on.

But then.

She stood up in front of 2,000 women, and spoke the words God gave her.  And I could hear God telling me that she, although quite amazing and cool, is simply doing what He has called her to.  She doesn't demand fame or fortune, nor does she live a lavish life.  She is just following hard after Him.  And all the sudden she went from becoming my invisible BFF who I truly do stalk, to a human walking down a narrow path in a broken world, who said yes to God, the same as I could....IF only I would.

How do I explain this IF:Gathering I attended last weekend with 2,000 other women locally, and hundreds of thousands of other women electronically from all over the globe?  It's hard to do at best.


Women of Faith on steroids?  Perhaps that is accurate.


Beyond anything I have ever attended?  You could say that.


God-inspired?  Definitely.

Full of the Holy Spirit?  Yes, He was there.

Moving and inspirational?  Quite.

Challenging and life changing?  Certainly.

Ready for our 6:30 flight out of Des Moines.
Austin, TX, here we come!

Last October my man surprised me on our anniversary with tickets to this sold-out event, airline tickets, and hotel reservations.  Be still my ever loving heart.  This man is a keeper.  To top things off, my partner in crime for this event was arranged to be none other than my mom.  Hear me when I say, I was weeping like a little girl in Bravo after opening such a fab gift.  What a rarity to get to take a trip without my littles, and just my mom.  Bless my man for making it happen.

The minute the event started on Friday afternoon we knew there was something happening at this Gathering.  Something big.  God's spirit was there among us, and it left us sitting on the edge our seats in eager anticipation of what was yet to come.

We sang amazing songs, such as Break Every Chain, Good Good Father, Oceans, Even So Come, Sovereign Over Us, and more.  Listen to them.  They are good, and will move you, even while you sit at your computer and pretend to read my blog.  And go ahead and sing along with them, God will be pleased with your worship, even if you're in your jammies with your hair in a messy tail and no make-up on.  God still loves you woman.

Speaker after speaker blew us away with what they spoke based on the topic of FAITH, and to be honest, I would never be able to hold your attention long enough to lay out what each one said.  I'm just not that cool.  So, without further ado, here is my
Top 10 Take-away Quotes from my weekend:

1.  "Move from lives of sight to lives of faith" -Jennie Allen, session 1

Jen Hatmaker

2. "God is good.  You know it's true in the day, you find out if it's true in the night." -Jen Hatmaker, session 2

3.  "Surround yourself with those who will surround your bed on your last day." -Bob Goff, session 2

4.  "God is the Holy Here." -Ann Voskamp, session 2

Christine Caine

5.  "I am not the God of I was, I'm the God of I AM." -Christine Caine, session 3

6.  "Service is the key to destiny.  It means you trust God more than you trust your own marketing." -Christine Caine, session 3

7.  "Faithful does not equal fearless.  It means you have more faith than fear." -Christine Caine, session 3

8.  "Results are God's responsibility, response is ours." -Bianca Olthoff, session 4

9.  "Impossible situations are not intimidating to God." -Bianca Oltoff, session 4

10.  "God gives us the grace we need for right now.  Not tomorrow, not next week, right now." -Lynne Hybels, session 3


The theme of the whole event remains "IF God is real...THEN what?"  So I'm asking myself the same thing.  It's one of those scary questions that you maybe would rather not ask, because if you ask, you might will get an answer that takes you way, way, way out of your comfort zone.  And it is there that you realize you need to have faith in a God that you cannot see, so you can accomplish a purpose that is impossible on your own.

IF you dare ask yourself what your life should really look like if God is real, then take comfort in this verse as you move forward, because trust me, you will need something to cling to when God calls you to do something crazy...

I am before all things, and in Me all things hold together.

-Colossians 1:17

Please note that my feelings were only a little hurt when Jen Hatmaker didn't address me by name when I met her.  It's hurtful when your BFF doesn't acknowledge you in public, but I'm over it.  

Um, this cutest little necklace
was our ticket to the event...

the boy

On July 23, 2004 I was given a promotion.  One that I had been expecting for awhile, but as with all promotions, the timing has to be just right, and everything needs to line up in order for it to happen.  The thing about getting a promotion is that there is so much unknown... you are walking unchartered territory, you are expected to work harder and much longer to earn the title you were just given, and others begin to look at you in a different way.

My promotion gave me a title that I knew I would keep the rest of my life: Mom.

This sweet little pudgy boy entered my life...just one week past his due date.

I almost died.  I mean, not literally of course, modern medicine would hardly allow for that, but seriously, I almost died.

The funny thing about having a baby boy is that almost immediately people check out the size of his hands, or his feet and then comment on how he is going to be a great basketball player someday or how he has the perfect start to be an outstanding football player and he is destined to play baseball because just look at him, he's a boy.

So you buy balls.  Footballs...soccer balls...basketballs...baseballs...all of them in toddler size...collegiate size...professional size...because, well, he's a boy.  And boys play sports.

Then at 4 months old you start dressing your boy up in football jersey's and dream that someday, maybe 18 years down the road, after a lot of practice, your son might be wearing that jersey for real.

Here's the thing though, and you might want to sit down for this, not all boys have a passion for sports.

I know.  I will give that one a minute to process.

My boy is one of them.

Again, I will give you a minute.

Now don't get me wrong, the kid loves the rush he gets from flying down a mountain at top speeds on his snowboard, all while I sit at the top of the run crying and figuring out how to get down without breaking my old lady hip.  And he will shoot hoops or throw the football around a little bit.  But his eyes do not twinkle when he has a ball in his hand.

Our son turned 10 this past summer, and I have learned so much over the past decade about what our culture values, what is acceptable boy behavior, and how we, as a society, make our children feel like they have worth.

***I feel like I need a disclaimer here...please do not hear what I am not saying.  If your child has a passion for sports, is thriving in them, feels valuable and accomplished because of what they do, I think that's great.  I get it.  And this post is not meant to belittle that at all.***

Moving on.

Since the time Holden was a baby it has been my prayer that he would be a boy/man after God's own heart.  That God would grant him wisdom. (Sort of like King David, minus the affairs and what-not.) And part of what comes when you pray a prayer like that for your son is that if he is following hard after God, he may not be running hard after the things that his mom or his uncle or his grandpa or his peers or society feels are worthy.

A few months ago we were sitting in a doctors office and when the doctor came in he asked Holden what he liked to do, to which Holden just sort of shrugged his shoulders.  The doctor pried a little more and asked him if he like to play sports.  Nope.  Then asked if he was a big gamer.  Nope.  He went on and finally said, "Then what is it man?  What do you do for fun?"  To which Holden replied, with a sheepish shrug of his shoulder, "I like to work."

There is no doubt that this child of mine lives to work.  He feels validated, important, and fulfilled when he has a job to do.  Perhaps much the same way your child feels after hitting a home run or  making three pointers for his team.

I think so often we try to make our kids fit into a mold that our culture has produced.  Rather than seeing our kids for who God created them to be, each with unique gifts and talents, we assume they will participate in a particular sport or activity, because "I played it when I was in school and loved it."

I love in Ephisians 2:10(NLT) where it says, "For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."  And the really neat thing about all of this is seeing how different and unique God made each of us, and how it all works together for His good.

A few years ago I had to come to terms with reality...I am not a good decorator; I do not love to clean; I can lead praise team at church, but you will never hear a song of mine on the radio; I don't have the desire to run a marathon; my cookies never turn out how they are supposed to; and crafting feels like a form of torture to me.  God obviously did not gift me in these areas.  And I have wasted so much time comparing myself to others, and pondering what I am not, that for a long time I missed out on some of the good things that God planned long ago for me to do.

Bummer.

I'm not sure if it's just a North America thing, or a Pella, Iowa thing or if it's that way all over the world.  But I feel like there is so much pressure to always act perfect, look put together, have children that are quiet and well behaved, maintain your figure even after bringing 4 children into the world, bake gourmet treats that are only found and successful on Pinterest and the list goes on.  And quite frankly, I have had enough.  I have tried to add more flour and less butter to my cookies, but the truth is, baking just really not my gift or passion.

I have come to realize that no matter how hard I try, no matter how much time, money and effort I put into it, there are certain things that God simply did not create me to do.  So take a minute and examine your gifts, and consider what it is that God created you specifically to do.

And go do it.


Please note that I took bit of a break from the world of blogging(3 months to be exact) so that I could survive the holidays.  Mission accomplished.  And now I'm back.  Pretty sure the only one that even noticed my hiatus was my mom, but that's cool.