Cleanse: The Review

Well, I am now on day two post-cleanse and I am still trying to completely form my thoughts and opinion of my cleanse.  On one hand, it's nice to not have to start my day off with some pills and my "fiber smoothie."  On the other hand, since my ban on certain foods has been lifted, I am more tempted to just start my day off with a bowl full of sugar(i.e. cereal) and load up from there.




Over the past two weeks I have traded Mt. Dew for a Spark drink, chips for carrot sticks, candy for almonds, guacamole for mayo and pizza for salad after salad after salad...

So here is the good, the bad and the ugly regarding my 10-day cleanse.



The Good

My man and I took our kids to Des Moines last Friday night.  At first I was a bit concerned about where I would find something at a restaurant that I could eat.  After about 36 seconds of research I decided that Panera was going to be my best option, and the kids love it, so it was a win-win.  I ordered a salad that I had found on their website that wasn't on the menu.  Hello high maintenance.  Instead of the salad I ordered, they brought me their Power Chicken Hummus Bowl.  I wasn't super excited about the hummus, since I think hummus resembles baby poo, but with 4 hungry kids, an empty stomach of my own, and a desire to please, I thought I would give it a shot.  I was pleasantly surprised with the taste of this salad!  I'm not sure it looks so appetizing in the picture I took, but it was good, and I would recommend it!  So one good thing that came out of this cleanse is that I tried something new, and liked it.

Perk number 2 from my cleanse is the amount of extra energy I have!  I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not out running a marathon or anything, I don't have THAT much extra energy.  But instead of getting in a sugar-slump midday, I find myself perky-ish and my mind is clear(er).  Let's be real here, I still have 4 kids that drain me physically, mentally. and emotionally, but I am shocked at how alert I feel.  I feel almost human again.

And then remember how I wrote about that fabulous adult acne I was experiencing?  It's pretty much gone.  No more Greasy Gracie here.  I am now Glowing Gladys.

On day number 3 when I wanted to quit, and on day number 4 when I wanted was tempted to eat all of the halloween candy rather than hand it out to the kids, and then on day 5 when I wanted a Mt. Dew so bad I could taste it, and day number 6 when I had to resist a Starbuck's White Chocolate Mocha, and day number 7 when I wanted to order pizza, and day number 8 when I made scotcharoos and wanted to lick the frosting bowl out, and on days number 8, 9 & 10 when I just wanted to call it quits, my mom had my back.  And that was good.

The Bad

One of the major draw-backs of doing a cleanse is that I was not always able to eat what my family was eating.  For example, Cheeseburgers were on the menu one night, but instead of having a hamburger with cheese, mayo, ketchup, and a bun, I had a plain burger with guacamole on it.  I mean, it was good and all, but there is just something about a hamburger that requires all the fixins.  Sort of like...

Love and Marriage, love and marriage, 

go together like a horse and carriage.  

This I tell you brother, 

you can't have one without the other.

Try, try, try to separate them...it's an illusion

Another thing that falls into the "bad" category is my inability to eat what I want, where I want, when I want.  I took the girls thru the drive-thru at McDonald's for lunch one day because I am just that dumb, and had to plug my nose so I could resist the temptation of the fries.  I mean, come on, THE FRENCH FRIES PEOPLE!  I had been gnawing on raw spinach salads for exactly 9 days when this beautiful box of uneaten fries was left on my table.  Be still my heart.  I am happy to say that I was able to place them in the trash, uneaten, without cheating.  And honestly, the only thing that kept me from completely inhaling them was the fact that they were cold by the time I spotted them.  And cold fries aren't quite as tempting as hot, greasy, salty fries.  Mmmm.

The Ugly

Here are a few of the sweet things I wanted to eat so bad that I turned ugly when I couldn't...

Raw chocolate chip muffin mix.

By the spoonful if I could.

Scotcharoos.  Yum.

Halloween Candy.

Dying here.

Overall I am very glad I did the cleanse, and since I am scared to death of the repercussions that come with eating "real" food after doing a cleanse, I am still avoiding sugar and all greasy foods.  Which means that my life is still boring.  No pop.  No candy.  No raw cookie dough out of my freezer....yet.

Please note that this cleanse has in no way, shape or form made me better than you.  It just made me full of a few less toxins than you, whatever that means.  

Improvement

Alright.  If you read my post on Monday you know that my mom and I started a 10 day cleanse on Monday.  To be honest, Monday just was not a good day from the get-go.  We were about 10 minutes late getting out the door, which meant I didn't have time for breakfast, other than the fiber drink I think so highly of {insert sarcasm}.  The whole day just felt wonky, including the foreign mostly sugar-free food I was putting into my body.

I am happy to report that yesterday was much better, as is today!  Here is a recap of my last 36 hours...

Yesterday I started my day off on a better foot, found 36 seconds to make and eat breakfast instead of the standard 23, which meant I had time to make an egg, peel a banana, and mix my fiber drink in the blender with ice so it was more of a smoothie per say and less of a glorified cup of Pepto Bismol.

Then I was off to Des Moines for a shopping day with my mom (and no kids!!!  YAAAAAYYYY!!!) My mom is so sweet, she made me a pumpkin flavored smoothie to drink on the way since she knows I like pumpkin pie so much.  Aren't mom's the best!?!?  So we enjoyed a energy-packed drink on our drive, which totally got us off on the right foot.

We did a little shopping, and ended up at Whole Foods right before lunch.  Who knew that there were enough people trying to be healthy in this world that they require their own somewhat over-priced grocery store.  Well, my man knew I guess.

Since we were both feeling a little hangry (that's when your lack of food causes you to become both hungry and angry, frustrated, or both.  Look it up, it's in the Urban Dictionary.  For reals.) we decided to grab lunch there.  Anyway, Whole Foods has this salad bar that is a-ma-zing.  3 different salad bars, with 2 sides each, 90% of which we could eat. Score.  This is what we ended up with: Detox Salad(obviously had to get this one), Quinoa, and a corn salad.

This is some version of quinoa on top, and a 
detox salad on the bottom.  I'm pretty sure you
will all want to get some next tine you are near 
a Whole Foods, so you are welcome for the info.




I'm not sure if it tasted heavenly because we were so hungry, or just because it was that good.  But it all totally hit the spot.  Even if we were sitting in my mom's truck in the mall parking lot eating it.  Classy.  You can do that when you don't have messy kiddos in the backseat.

                                                                                                 Again, the quinoa is on the left, and a corn radish salad is 

on the right.  See that cute cup by the quinoa?  

That is what my pumpkin smoothie was in.  Love.

Off to the mall, where, HELLO, things like this are taking shape:

Shenanigans!  I don't even have costumes for my kids to wear tomorrow night for beggars night, and already Christmas decor has taken over department stores.  I mean, Younker's was kind of pretty, but still!  The crazy reindeer was a bit overpriced in my opinion.

Mid afternoon Starbuck's started calling my name, but I held strong and mixed up a grape Spark drink instead.  Trust me when I say that it didn't quite taste the same as a white chocolate mocha, but it was ok.

It did refuel me for a few more hours, and I grabbed a handful of mixed nuts for a little shot of protein, and made it through the afternoon full of energy and happy to continue to shop.  Typically by mid-late afternoon I am done.  I have no energy left, I am crabby, and my legs hurt.  But between the 60 ounces of water I was chugging and these energy drinks, I was shopping on fresh legs all day.  Great news for my man.

One of our stops before dinner was to Nordstrom Rack and Home Goods, which both just opened up by Jordan Creek Town Center.  I walked out of Nordstrom Rack empty handed, but I did make a couple of purchases at Home Goods.

                                              This is what I wanted to buy:

 This is what I bought though:

They are pretty much incomparable.  Trust me friends when I say one is NOT a substitute for the other. 

Since I was about to cave, it was clearly time to eat again.  And again, my amazing mom pulled through with these salads for each of us, which was Organic Spring Mix lettuce with a hard-boiled egg and homemade salad dressing.  You can call her Becky Homecky.  The only thing that would have made this salad better would have been some of Momma Jane's homemade croutons.  But alas, this are on the naughty list for the next week.  Sigh.  

We ate these delish salads in the parking lot of Costco in an attempt to help us resist the aisle of samples, all of which are also on the naughty list this week.  Amazingly enough, we were both feeling energetic yet at this point, and conquered Costco like it was our job.

Here is a picture of my mom and I on our final stop of the night, Target.

We had such a great day, we both felt great all day, even after a 12 hour shopping day.  Now maybe I will need to do another spending fast after I get rid of all of my toxins.  I can only work on one thing at a time here, friends.

Please note that I am sorry if you're mom isn't as cool as my mom.  Mine can't be borrowed or rented out, so don't even try.

Cleanse...and not the closet type

Have you ever said 'yes' to something, and after giving it some serious thought changed your mind, but it was too late to to say 'no', so you just went with it anyway, and then right when you started the thing you said 'yes' to you wanted to jump ship, but your pride got the better of you and so you stuck with it even though you really didn't want to?

I am not talking about my marriage here.  I would say yes to my man a million times over.  Although I wonder if he would ask me again if given the chance to do it over?  Well, for the sake of argument we are going to say that he would, and move on.

A good friend of mine started selling Advocare Products a couple years ago.  For awhile I avoided her like a plague because I didn't want her pressuring me into doing something wack like eating healthy.  Then after a few days months, I realized that she wasn't the pushy type, so I could hang out with her again.

Fast forward a couple of years.

About a month ago I was starting to feel very sluggish, and noticed that my face was starting to resemble that of a j-high girl going through the awkward puberty stage.  Adult acne is about as awesome as, well, nothing.  I did a little research, googled "cleanse" came up with a millions options, of which 'Advocare' was at the top of.  Lovely.  Clicked on the 'Dr. Oz Cleanse' option, decided I wasn't dedicated enough to go about this on my own....I mean who really has the time or ingredients to make a smoothie each morning that includes flax seeds, coconut water, ginger-flavored kumbocha, silken tofu, carrot juice, beet root, and the like!?!?  I have approximately 23 seconds each morning to eat breakfast.  Which is pry why I am in this predicament to begin with.  Anyway, then I clicked on the Advocare link and read this:

Toxins are everywhere – in the foods we eat, the air we breathe and the ground we walk on. These toxins build up in our body and may contribute to weight gain, loss of overall energy and poor skin tone, among other detrimental effects. 

Who knew!?!?

I was sold.

So then I did what any awesome daughter would do, I suckered my mom into doing this crazy 10 day Herbal Cleanse with me, because I need somebody to lean on when I'm not strong....or laugh with when all I want to do is gnaw my own arm off because I am in udder and complete sugar withdrawal.  Anyway, our regiment includes drinking this Peaches & Cream Fiber Drink in the morning.  Don't be deceived by the pretty package.  It is ew.  Just ew.  I don't care who makes it, the reality is that no fiber drink is good, and you can't convince me otherwise.  I literally gagged it down this morning.  Only 5 more of these to go...it's going to be a serious game of mind over matter here.

And we have to eat healthy, natural foods.  Say what!?!?!  That's all good, except that I pretty much live on Mt Dew and candy pumpkins right now.  THEY GET ME THROGH MY EVER-LOVING, NEVER-ENDING, HOMEWORK-SATURATED, PIANO-PRACTICING, LONG DAY WITH 4 KIDS!  The reality is that when I gave up shopping a year ago, I took up eating sugar.  Oh, fine, I've lived on sugar my whole life.  Read this fine print on the cleanse brochure and weep with me:

I cannot even.

When I am hungry, I am crabby.  Like, I am talking a 6-week old baby screaming, crying, and kicking their legs crabby.  When I am crabby, life goes to pot here.  So it was important that I be able to eat something while doing this to keep my energy level up as well as my happy mommy attitude.  The beauty of the Advocare cleanse is that for those 10 things I need to avoid for 10 days, there is a whole gammet of things I can eat.  And a green smoothie is NOT a required drink.  Bless.

So here's a recap for all of you, showing what I eat on a normal day vs. what I ate today.  Please be impressed.

                              Normal                                                                          Cleanse
Breakfast:  2 pieces of toast with margarine and Grandma Jam          1 banana
                   a glass of milk                                                                    a glass of delicious fiber drink

Snack:        1 can of Mt. Dew                                                               1 20-oz. bottle of water
                   A handful of candy                                                            1 banana

Lunch:        Whatever I can find...sandwich, mac'n'cheese,                 Raw spinach salad with
                    leftovers, Culver's, etc.                                                       chicken breast, blueberries,
                   And maybe another Mt Dew if I am feeling thirsty             apples, and walnuts, with
                                                                                                                raspberry vinaigrette*
                                                                                                              Water to drink

Snack:        A few crackers and more candy...                                      Spark Energy Drink(not as
                                                                                                                bad as it's fiber friend)

Dinner:       Whatever is on the menu board...Strombolli,                     Grilled hamburger, no bun,
                    Corn Casserole, BLT's, chips, etc.                                       with tomatoes, onion and
                    Water                                                                                     lettuce, spinach salad
                                                                                                               Water

*not sure this is legit, but throw me a bone here people, I have been gnawing on raw spinach the whole live-long day

So far on day one I have not snapped at or strangled anyone yet, so I would consider that a success.


Please note that you are all full of toxins, but Jesus still loves you, so carry on.  

Unconditional Love

12 years ago, this happened:

What!?!?  And yes, that is my natural hair color, for those of you that have always wondered.

On that day my man stood up in front of all of our family and friends and spoke these words to me:

I, Zach, take you Lindsay,

to be my wife in Christian marriage.

I promise God, and I promise you that 

I will be Christian in my actions and attitudes.  

I will serve the Lord with you; 

I will provide Christian leadership in our home.  

I will work to meet our financial responsibilities;

 I will be faithful to you and to you alone.  

I will pray for you and encourage you, 

I will weep with you in sorrow, rejoice with you in blessings, 

and be your faithful companion until Christ calls us home.  

I make these promises to you, with the help of God.  

I'm pretty sure I cried.  And I'm also pretty sure that I didn't hear a single word that he said to me.  Instead, I heard something like this:

I, Zach, take you Lindsay,

to be my wife in Christian marriage

as long as you look put together, never gain weight,

always do your hair and make-up,

keep the house clean and organized,

never wreck a vehicle,

raise perfect children, 

be amazing all the time,

never make a mistake,

never fail.

I make these promises to you, may God help you.

From the time we started dating I had myself convinced that my man would only love me if I was perfect.  And why would I think differently?!?!  We are living in a society where you can get a drive-thru divorce if you want one....not literally, but close(don't worry babe, I just did the research on that for blog-related reasons).  

You don't like how your spouse look?  Divorce them.  They drive you crazy in a not-so-good sort of way?  Divorce them.  You found somebody else that is better suited for you than what you have?  Then divorce your current spouse and move on.  Your marriage is hard and you just don't really want to work at it?  Please don't inconvenience yourself or put forth any effort, rather just walk away from that commitment.

Media and celebrities, and all of culture alike do a great job at hammering home the message that if you aren't the perfect person, then your spouse isn't going to love you.  And taking it even further than that, if you don't satisfy your spouses needs or meet their every expectation, then they have every right to walk away due to irreconcilable differences.  I don't even know what that means.

Over the last 12 years I in no way have been the perfect spouse.  I have thrown temper tantrums.  I have been selfish, demanding, and all sorts of unloving.  It's hard to believe, but I might have one or two annoying habits(but really, it's probably just one).  There have been ugly haircuts that made me all sorts of unattractive.  There have been bouts of morning sickness and days of waking up to morning breath.  My chest has deflated itself and my love handles have grown.  Grey hairs have taken over my head, and varicose veins now decorate my legs.  I know there are many more things about me that gives my man reason walk away from me in the worlds eyes, yet he hasn't.  And the devil reminds me often(at lease once an hour) about how imperfect I really am.  How I am completely unworthy of love.

God's love.

My man's love.

Anyone's love.

He spews lies at me, telling me that there is no possible way my man would ever want to be "with" me based on how my body looks right now.  He can't possible be turned on by this aging, sagging, deflated, jiggly body.  He has me convinced that my man's love is very dependent on me.  The devil is trying to get a foothold, create a crack on our marriage, so that he can wedge himself in there and create distance and pain.  And you know what, some days it works.  There are days that I eat up those lies he feeds me like a yummy piece of Hershey's Chocolate cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory(SO, SO good, by the way, and worth every calorie). 

But this guy, the one I committed myself to long before we said, "I do," he doesn't believe those lies.  And he doesn't love me only on a good day or a pretty day.  He loves me on those days that I can't find time for a shower and my hair is a mess.  He loves me when I am dressed up and on a date with him.  He loves me when I am acting ugly, and when I am being lovely.  He loves me after a disagreement and when I am cordial.


His love is not conditional.  

The pastor that married us used 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, which also happens to be the verses Zach used when he proposed to me.  I'm sure you just about know that passage by heart...

It's some-what cliche, but it still speaks volumes, especially in our world today.  I came across these  footnotes in my bible a couple of years ago, based on Matthew 5:31-32:

Unconditional love doesn't just happen on it's own.  It has to be very, very intentional.  And what I've found, especially after having kids, is that for me it's easier to give unconditional love than it is to receive it.  The devil is always ready to pounce on my flaws and remind me that if only I was better at this or more of that, then people would love me. 

I think what I hate the most is how hard the devil works at convincing me that I am nothing and not worthy of love.  

But what I love the most is that I have this great guy and an even greater God on my side working harder to convince me that what the devil says simply isn't true.

And you're gonna have to face it, what it really boils down to, is that my man is simply addicted to love...

Please note that my blog is a form of free therapy for me.  Sorry if I say too much, but rest assured that with each paragraph typed, there is one that I leave untyped in my head.  

Walk

For the past 10 years I have pushed a stroller on my walk.  A single stroller, then a double, back to a single, back to a double, and finally a single again.  I have pushed my children hundreds of miles around the streets of our quaint little town.  For many years my stroller chased the wheels of a bike ridden by one of my older kids.

That all changed about a month ago, when this happened:

Our baby started school.  Three School to be exact.  And that left me with an empty stroller on my walk a couple of mornings a week.  For a moment I considered pushing an empty stroller on my walk around town, but after considering how much crazier that would make me look, I decided to leave my wheels at home and hit the pavement solo.

I had been longing for this day for, well, 10 years.  A walk.  By myself.  Quiet.  Relaxing.  No snacks to dish out.  No one begging me for a drink of my water (that I desperately need to survive).  No one asking me questions every 2.5 seconds(I'm not even kidding about that number.  I've timed it before.) No one chucking books or toys in the grass when they are done playing with them.

Just me.

And when I took off that first day after dropping our baby off at school, I suddenly felt very, well, exposed I guess is the word.  For 10 years I have hid behind that stroller.  As long as I had the stroller in front of me I had an excuse to stop mid-jog, for the "needs" of my child.  My legs, which aren't exactly that of a teenager anymore, were hidden quite nicely behind the stroller.  And with that stroller out in front me I had my hands full, so I wasn't able to take on more.

And that all changed, quite quickly on that Tuesday morning in early September for me as I left my baby behind and took off on my own.

Suddenly I could hear God speaking to me, which I'm sure He tried to do earlier, but was drowned out by the one in the stroller seat.  And what He said has changed me, "No more hiding.  No more using your kids as an excuse for your lack of involvement in My Kingdom.  Take your eyes off of the space in front of you and look around at the needs that surround you.  Those hands that are accustomed to gripping a handle?  Use them.  Stop hiding and start working for Me."

And I immediately wanted my stroller back.

I wanted to hide.  I preferred to be too "busy" with my own life to hear God calling me to do more.

I had heard that voice before, the one that calls you when you are least expecting it.  The voice that asks you to do something that you weren't exactly thinking about.  And I wanted to ignore it then too.  But all of the sudden it makes sense.  If I want a real faith, one that takes me places I don't really want to go, then I have to be listening for that voice that will prompt me towards "good works, which God prepared beforehand, that I{we} should walk in them." (Ephesians 2:10, ESV, emphasis added).

After 10 years of hiding, God is calling me to take steps of faith in my journey, trusting Him when things don't make sense.  Leaning on Him when I am at the end of me and He has called me to give more.  Walking a road that is not one on my map.

It's scary, it's crazy, it's overwhelming, but it's good, because God is good.  All the time.


Please note that I fully believe that raising kids who love and know God is kingdom work in and of itself.  But apparently doing that with 4 kids isn't quite enough, and God has something more in mind...so if I look crazy scared or tired or stressed out next time you see me, give me grace as I walk in faith....oh wait, I've looked that way for the past 10 years, so I will probably just look "normal".  

Drumroll, please...

Thanks to all {5} of you that left a message on my last post.  It was good for my soul to read that we would all struggle to give things up.  It's hard to open yourself up and be honest, but when you do, I think God starts working.  Before you know it, you will all be doing a spending fast, starting a blog, and telling your man all sorts of crazy stuff that you think God is telling you.  Maybe my man needs to start a blog for a support group...hmmm.

Anyway, today was the day to pick the winner of Jen Hatmaker's book Interrupted, and I am just so, so excited to pass this book on.  So without further ado, here it goes(and in the absence of my editor, his cute assistant stepped in to help)...

 The names of 5 fabulous ladies...

...are carefully folded up and put in the bucket... 

...the bucket gets a shake... 

...and the winner is Becky!

Now, in true Lindsay-fashion, when I was ordering my book from Amazon, I put not 1, but 5 copies of this book in my cart.  I have a little problem, which includes giving things away(ask my man, I would give you the shirt off his back if you really needed it).  So, although Becky's name was the one drawn from the bucket, I am going to give everybody that commented on my last post their very own copy of Interrupted.  I know this is not quite as exciting as when Oprah gave away her favorite things at Christmas time, but if you want to jump up and down and scream and fall on the floor in excitement, I would appreciate it.  

To the rest of you that are looking to have Jesus wreck your comfortable Christianity, order your copy of Jen's book by clicking here or you can find it on Amazon and at your local Barnes and Noble.  You will be changed after reading this book.  Now go get wrecked for Jesus.


Please note that I wish I could send every single one of you a copy of this book....but then I wouldn't be able to feed my family, and apparently that's a problem.  So Courtney, Jen, Jean & Sarah, please e-mail me your mailing address at zldevries@hotmail.com and I will get your copy in the mail, and feed my family too.

Interrupt Me

Have you ever picked up a book, just for the "fun of it", and then a couple of chapters pages paragraphs into it you realize that after reading it your life will not, cannot ever be the same?  (It's at this point that you wonder if you should keep reading, or perhaps just tuck that precious little book away for another day.)  That is what this book:

did for to me.

God bless you Jen Hatmaker.  I'm pretty sure we would be bff's, if only we didn't live 5 states apart.

And in case you are unfamiliar with her
 (I feel sorry for you), here's a little info:

Jen Hatmaker is the author of 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess  and A Modern Girl's Bible Study series.  With a heart for her generation, she speaks at conferences around the country.  Jen resides in Austin, Texas, with her husband, Brandon, and their five children.  

I started with her book 7: an experimental mutiny against excess and when that didn't rock my world enough(insert sarcasm), I moved on to Interrupted.  And my whole world shook.  This is not a warm-fuzzy book, or one for the faint of heart.  It hits home, and it hits hard.

You are going to want the following items with you if when you sit down to read this book:
-Pen/pencil
-notebook
-highlighter
-kleenex(for when you cry because your heart is breaking, and for when you cry because you are laughing so hard)
-a nice quiet place to just be you, every sniffle-nose and runny mascara part of you

I underlined and/or highlighted about 90% of the book, all while feeling God nudging me to move.  Jen touches on how to go from being essentially on the top of the economic ladder to falling to the bottom, to serve those at the bottom.  The challenges keep coming, one after the other.  Making you question if you are really doing enough for God.  Here is one beautiful quote:

When Jesus told us to "take the lowest place" (Luke 14:10), it was more than a strategy for social justice.  It was even more than wooing us to the bottom for communion, since that is where He is always found.  The path of descent becomes our liberation.  We are freed from the exhausting stance of defense.  We are no longer compelled to be right and are this relieved from the burden of maintaining some reputation.  We are released from the idols of greed, control, and status.  The pressure to protect the house of cards is alleviated when we take the lowest place.

(page 72-72, emphasis added)

About nine months ago, God started interrupting my journey, and challenging me with the same question Jen has challenged all of us with...What would you struggle to give up if Jesus wanted to use your life to make a difference in the world?

Well, there's shopping, spending money on useless things, finding comfort in material possessions, and maintaining a certain reputation...just to name a few.  After my 6-month shopping fast I was thinking that perhaps God was actually done interrupting my life, but as it turns out, He wasn't.  I read Jen's first release of Interrupted in January, and then along came this awesome opportunity to read and review the revised version of it, and I could just hear God saying, "Dear naive one, you have so, so, so much to learn yet.  What you think you have loosened your grip on, you are still holding onto way too tightly.  And things are about to get real.  Enjoy the ride."

God spoke to me through Jen time and time again in this book...in regards to American consumerism, Jen had this to say:

Americans living in excess beyond imagination while the world cries out for intervention is an unbearable tension and utterly misrepresents God's kingdom.  While the richest people in the world pry to get richer, the rest of the world endures unimaginable suffering with their faces pressed to the window of our prosperity...and we carry on, oblivious.

(Page 31)

Listen, dear, lovely readers, we(meaning you and me) are included in those Americans living in excess.  Sorry if that stings a little.  But I'm not really.  I have food to feed my family of 6.  I drive a bus that gets about 14 miles to the gallon on a great day with a strong tail-wind.  My kids go to an amazing school that is loaded with above-average teachers, and it's clean.  My family drinks clean water, right out of our tap.  My house is almost cold inside on a 90 degree humid Iowa day.  My life is cushy...and there are people living "out there" whose aren't.  

And to that Jen says:

The blessed and the lost will be separated based on one principle: 

the care of the oppressed.  

The end.

(page 103)

I mean, just let that soak in.  And I am in NO way trying to guilt-trip you here.  I think it all goes back to the idea of "blessed to be a blessing."  And rather than just blessing the blessed, because honestly, it's quite easy to do that, take it one step further and bless the least, for whatever category renders a person least in our minds--bear the face of Jesus.(page 106)  It's amazing how different this can look for each of us too.  Are the least living in your town?  In your neighborhood?  In your state? In another country?  Serve them wherever they are...wherever God has placed a passion.  Serve there.  And perhaps not just with money, but with your hands, as Jen talks about:

I'd like to be great because we battled poverty with not just our money but our hands 

and hearts.  I desire the greatness that comes from seeking not only mercy 

but justice for those caught in a system with trapdoors.

(Page 83)

You guys, I cannot say enough good about this book.  Jen loves, she steps up to the plate, and then she challenges.  And if you are not up for a God-awakening challenge, then please do not even think about reading this book.  But if you are ready to step out, to do something far beyond yourself, if you are ready for God to interrupt you, like He Interrupted Jen, and like He is doing to me, then please, please, please read this book.  And watch God work in your life.  

So, again, the question:

What would you struggle to give up if Jesus wanted to use your life 

to make a difference in the world? 

Leave your answer to that question below for a chance to win a free copy of Interrupted.  

{1 winner will be chosen at random by my cute editor}

Please note that if you want to read her book, but don't think you want to really buy it, I have exactly 2 things to say...1) You can't borrow my copy because it's so marked up you wouldn't even be able to read it, and I'm just not really into sharing, and 2)You might as well just buy your own copy because if you are lucky enough to find it in-stock at your library, you will have to pay for it after you are done reading it because you too, will highlight all of it.

Issues of the heart: jealousy

He had already put in a full day of work, leaving well before my eyes were ready to open for the day. His job that day had taken him out of town, and after his work day was done, he drove straight to his next project, which left me sitting at home barefoot and pregnant entertaining our nearly 1-year-old son on my own for yet another evening.  Alone.

I knew what my next step had to be.  I was planning in my head how I would pack a bag for my son and I, and we would drive out to my parents house and stay with them, assuming they would have us as house guests, indefinitely.  It seemed like the best solution, according to the little voice in my head.  The little voice that tells me that if my man really loved me he would put me before any project.  He would see that I needed him at home helping raise our son worse.  He would be giving me the time and attention I need each day to feel loved.  That little voice had me so convinced that the only solution to the problem was giving up on my marriage.  This is not what I had signed up for when I said, "I do".  When I made that vow less than 3 years earlier to love my man, I had visions of taking family strolls around the neighborhood; sitting on the floor reading books to our son together; taking our baby to the park to play; spending time together.  Not sitting at home jealous of a project that was stealing my man's time from me.

I was burning with anger, and my love tank was on 'E'.

Not that kind of love tank.  Ew.

The love tank that Gary Chapman talked about in his book "The 5 Love Languages."  We had read that book together, and established that my love language is quality time.  Which would explain why I was overcome with jealousy towards a project.  I was jealous that my man would give his few free hours each day to something other than me.  I understand that makes me sound, well, a little immature or childish or whatever.  But I need time to feel loved.  (If you want to find out what you need to feel loved, read that book, you will not be disappointed.)

I remember when I was in about 5th grade and my teacher, Mr. B, would talk about how God was a jealous God.  It was such a funny concept to me, because it had been hammered in my head that we weren't supposed to be jealous of others and what they have, yet this God who is over all and above all is jealous.

Exodus 20:4-6(NRS), states, "You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.  You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments."

If that passage isn't clear enough, flip a few pages to the right where Moses tell us in Deuteronomy 4:28, "For the Lord your God is a devouring fire, a jealous God."

God demands my exclusive loyalty and affection.  Just as I was demanding that from my man.  And all the sudden I understand what my teacher was talking about a few years ago.  God wants all of me...my time, my attention, He wants to know that He matters to me.  It seems to me that God has lots of love languages...quality time, acts of service, gifts, etc.  And when I fail to show my love to Him in those ways he becomes jealous, just like I did.

And it makes sense, doesn't it?

Just as I was jealous of the time my man was giving to his project, and I was left feeling forgotten, so God feels when I fill my time with things other than him...Facebook, e-mail, movies, television, exercising, and the list goes on.  One pretty awesome thing about God though is that he isn't tempted to pack His bags and call it quits.  We are given that promise in Hebrews 13:5, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you."

Praise the Lord for that.


Please note that even if I would have gotten up enough courage to pack my bags and drive out to my parents, I am about 99.9% sure that my dad, in all his wisdom, would have told me to get my bottom back in my car, drive back home, and fight for my man and my marriage....dad's really do know best...

On becoming 35

It didn't just happen overnight.  It took 12,780 days to accomplish what I am about to do.

That's right friends, I am on the brink of turning 35 fabulous years old.  Well, 35 used to be old, like when I was 21.  But I am starting to think that 35 is the new 21.  Right?  Just smile and nod.

Well, if I could talk to my 21-year-old self, there are so many things I would say, like the following...

Enjoy those smooth legs that don't jiggle or resemble cottage cheese, your lack of love handles that really aren't that lovely, your bladder control, abs, non-jiggly toned upper arms, and your perky chest that is a far cry from the deflated-balloon look that is coming.  Ok, who am I kidding, I've never really had a chest, but I had to put it in there.  You might think your body will never age, but you are oh so wrong.  You too shall fall victim to gravity.

Have fun, but not too much fun.  Soon enough you will be watching Barney and eating stale Goldfish, so take time to enjoy the here and now, and don't get lost longing for "someday".

Read your Bible.  Over.  And over.  And over again.

Try not to get so caught up in the little things, that you loose sight of the big picture.

You are not the center of the universe.  So stop acting like you are.

Save yourself $20,000 and quit school...your real job someday won't care if you know about Corporate Finance or Business Law or Computer Programing or Calculus.  Your employer will be more concerned with your ability to build towers, play house, read books, and give good-night kisses.

Have patience.  And remember that His ways are not your ways.  And that's ok.

Sleep.  A lot.  To make up for the years to come when you will not sleep so much.

Don't be scared to try new things.  People will always have opinions on what you should or should not do, but the most important thing is to follow hard after what God is calling you to.  Learn how to play the violin, sky dive, grow a garden, sing on praise team at church, start that blog...oh wait, when I was 21 there was no such thing as a blog...

Break up with that boy.  He might be a great guy, but there is one that is even greater for you, so don't waste your time on another.

Give grace...especially to that greater guy I just mentioned.

Stick with only getting your ears pierced.

Love your brown hair...it will not always be just brown.

Eat dessert after every meal...your metabolism is at it's prime, and by the time you reach 35 you will only need to think about eating dessert for those calories to haunt you.

Stop judging everybody and start assuming the best in them.

Don't blink, because before you know it you will be 35.

And last but not least...The best is yet to come.  You might think life is good and full right now, that going to college and hanging with friends all day is as good as it can ever get, but you are so, so wrong.  Pretty soon you will be hanging out with mini-yous all day, watching them develop into these little people and every milestone will be amazing.  You will be married to your best friend, the one who laughs with you, hugs you when you cry, and holds your hand when times get tough.  And that is better than anything that being 21 could offer.


Please note that despite the fact that I am starting to feel a little older, I would never trade being 35 for being 21 again...well, maybe for like 1 day I would trade my body.  But that's all.  Oh, and perhaps a full night of sleep.

Smart {phone}

I said I would never do it.

And then I forgot 2 of my girls' doctors appointments.  And a few-ish tutoring sessions for my son.  And a dinner date with some friends.  Ok fine, and an Art Center class for my daughter.

Then this showed up:

This is like my man's dream come true.  He is so techy, and I am so, well, not.

I bet you are thinking to yourself, "What the what!?!?  She just cut up her credit card only to spend an unreasonable amount of money on a phone!?!?  I don't get it!"

Well, neither do I sweet readers, but I do know that this gadget has a calendar app that I plan on wearing out.  This sweet little rectangle of wires is going to remind me, multiple times when I have an appointment that I am about it miss.  When I am on a bike ride with the kids at the lake, it will let me know that I am really supposed to be sitting in the doctors office with 2 of them.

Bless.

But from the minute this pretty white life-organizer showed up, I can feel it pulling me.

"Check for messages!"

"Take a selfie, because you can now without having to guess where to hold your phone all while smiling at nobody!"

"Make sure nobody has updated their Facebook status in the last 2 1/2 minutes."

"Text somebody.  ANYBODY!"

Ugh...and it beeps all the whole live long day about who knows what!?!?!

So my question today is this: Is a smart phone really that smart?

And my answer is: the verdict is still out.

iPhone's slogan is, "You're more powerful than you think.  With iPhone 5s you have the power to do everyday things in extraordinary ways, and extraordinary things every day."

I think cell phones are great for a multitude of reasons, one being that my kids can get ahold of me if they have an emergency.  But on the flip side, I have noticed that my son especially thinks that everything is an "emergency."

I also think they are great when it comes to communicating with people who are difficult/impossible to get ahold of, like a busy mother of 4.  However, they take that mother of 4 away from being a mother to those 4 when said mom is on the phone at the grocery store...and park...and in the bus truck.

It's fun that my kids can sit quietly through an entire dinner out while entertaining themselves with a game on my phone, yet I have just lost precious time that I could have been talking with them.

I love that I will have the ability to take video and/or pictures of my kids doing essentially everything all day everyday, but I have come to realize that sometimes the only lens we need to look through to capture the moment is the one God gave us.

Oh I could go on and on, but I will wrap it up by saying that I think as long as I am smart about using my phone, it will make me "smarter," but it can quickly turn even the smartest people into the dumbest...especially when they walk into a pole while looking down to check Facebook.  Apple, there isn't anything extraordinary about that.


Please note that this post was not intended to brag at all about what phone I have, but rather to warn myself especially of the dangers that come along with such a smarty pants.

The Break-up

Dear Credit Card,

This relationship is not working out.

We've been having problems for some time now, as you may know.

It's not you, it's me.

But ok, really it's you...

I hate the way you let me use you, abuse use, and take advantage of you.  I wish you had a backbone and put up a fight sometimes.  And I really wish that you would tell me 'no'.  Instead you sit there in my bilfold all red and shiny and pretty, just begging to be used.

I hate how easy you are.  Instead of sliding through the credit card machine while I am checking out, I wish you would give me a shock like a taser so I would have to really, really want something bad enough to go through pain for it.

I hate the way your statements show up every month in my inbox, all cheery and happy-go-lucky, when the numbers I find inside make me feel anything but cheery or happy.

I hate the way I find comfort in you in a moment of stress.  You act as if you can solve all of my problems with a little retail therapy, when really you just create more.

You deceive me.

Lie to me.

And leave me feeling empty.

I hate the way you whisper sweet-nothings to me, even though you don't have a voice.  You tell me that as long as I have you, I don't need anything or anybody else.  Certainly not a Savior.  He can't buy me fancy shoes or nice clothes or soft toilet paper the way you can.

I hate it when I get a notice in the mail that you have increased my limit with you, as if we don't get enough of each other the way it is.

I hate the way you make me think that I am more secure with you riding around in my wallet.  Like you could save me from any old problem or expense that came my way.

I hate how truly out of control our relationship is.  We keep tiptoeing around each other, thinking that things will get better.  But they don't.

I'm done.  I don't deserve this, I really do not deserve this.

Sorry, Red, I really wish it didn't have to end like this.

But I don't see any way around the inevitable.

We had a great run, and lots of fun.  But now it's time for me to move on.  Without you.

And so, it's over.


Please note that there are really only 2 places that will be sad about this break-up...Pella Christian Grade School, because  Target will no longer donate 1% of my purchases at Target to the school, and Target itself because I will no longer spend to my hearts content because of the ever-enticing 5% discount...plus free shipping...but who's counting anyway.  I really, really hope that Target can make it without me.

Fly

There is a certain amount of ebb and flow that goes along with this parenting thing.  Like one day, I am obviously the coolest mom ever, and then the next thing I know I have been down-graded to the worst.

My man and I have held our positions as parents for nearly a decade now.  And it simply hasn't gotten any easier over the years.  

I will be the first to admit that I do not love the baby stage.  There is something about this little pudgy being that is cute, but then there is this needy, clingy, crying thing that I don't see the beauty in.  So when my babies were all, well, babies, I was wishing them on to the next stage.  

Then came toddlerhood...it's not a great 'hood to hang out in some days.  There have been many times that I have felt lead to call in back-up while in this dangerous 'hood.  The personality explosion that occurs during the toddler years is just mind-boggling to me.  I mean, seriously, there have been many days that my then 2- or 3-year-olds have acted more like teenagers, and during those days I was wishing them on to the next stage.

Oh, then along comes preschool, and grade school, and girls, and boys, and drama, and blah, blah, blah.  And all the sudden that wrinkly pudgy being is 9 going on 10, and wrestling for a bit of independence.  

We have 2 bird families that have lovingly decided to nest in peak of our front entry-way.  I sent my man on a mission to rid our cedar of them, but upon arrival he discovered that there were baby birds in one, and eggs in the other.  Well, seriously, who in their right mind could kill a nest of baby birds, fresh out of their eggs.  Not me.  So the birds and eggs stayed.  A few days later we were getting ready to leave and noticed that one of the baby birds had fallen out of the nest, and was now struggling to survive on it's own on the not-so-cozy concrete directly below it's home.

I wish I had taken a picture.  

It would go right here.

But I didn't.  However, the mental picture I took of that bird has stuck in my mind ever since.  As well as the lessons that God is trying to teach me through it.

My son, who is trying to fly-the-coup isn't so different than the bird I saw floundering last week.  For some reason, in his mind, he is ready.  Ready to spread those wings and do all sorts of things that this mom isn't quite ready for yet.  And my job, as his mom, is to know when to let him fly, and when to hold him under my wing.  

When Holden was just a baby we were given a book by Dr. Dobson that had this little kite analogy in it, which I have copy and pasted below for your reading enjoyment...{have a  kleenex handy}

Humorist Erma Bombeck described this difficult process in terms that were helpful to me.123 She said that the task of raising kids is rather like trying to fly a kite on a day when the wind doesn't blow. Mom and Dad run down the road pulling the cute little device at the end of a string. It bounces along the ground and shows no inclination of getting off the ground.

Eventually, and with much effort, they manage to lift it fifteen feet in the air, but great danger suddenly looms. The kite dives toward electrical lines and twirls near trees. It is a scary moment. Will they ever get it safely on its way? Then, unexpectedly, a gust of wind catches the kite, and it sails upward. Mom and Dad feed out line as rapidly as they can.

The kite begins pulling the string, making it difficult to hold on. Inevitably, they reach the end of their line. What should they do now? The kite is demanding more freedom. It wants to go higher. Dad stands on his tiptoes and raises his hand to accommodate the tug. It is now grasped tenuously between his index finger and thumb, held upward toward the sky. Then the moment of release comes. The string slips through his fingers, and the kite soars majestically into God's beautiful sky.

Mom and Dad stand gazing at their precious "baby," who is now gleaming in the sun, a mere pinpoint of color on the horizon. They are proud of what they've done--but sad to realize that their job is finished. It was a labor of love. But where did the years go?

That is where you are today--standing on tiptoes and stretching toward the sky with the end of the string clutched between your fingers. It's time to let go. And when you do, you'll find that a new relationship will be born. Your parenting job is almost over. In its place will come a friendship that will have its own rewards.

Remember: The kite is going to break free one way or the other. It's best that you release it when the time is right!After I got done bawling after reading this, I looked at my man and told him that I will not be releasing any string of any child that comes out of my body.  Never.  Ever.

Never say never.

Now, I'm pretty sure that my man and I have a few years before we have to completely let go of the string.  But this past month, the winds have been blowing our oldest kite hard, and we have had to figure out how to let some string out, without letting go.  

I'm pretty sure that the baby bird I mentioned earlier wasn't quite ready to leave the nest and be on it's own.  I won't tell you what became of that bird, just focus on the kite here.

Then yesterday as my daughter was reading to me, something blue caught my eye on our deck.

An egg had fallen out of the nest that the birds built on our back deck.  (I would like to note here that they have 5,327 trees 100 yards away, yet they choose to build a nest on our house.  How sweet.)  I could take this cracked egg analogy so many different directions...but I like to think that it was God's way of reminding me to not let my little "bird" leave before he is really ready.

Don't give up.

Don't give in.

Keep on loving him exactly the way he needs to be loved, so that one day, when he is ready, I will be able to let go of his string and let him fly.


Please note that although sometimes parenting is impossible hard, I wouldn't ever trade it for all the chocolate in the world.  Most days.