March Madness

March is such a great month.  My man celebrates his birthday this month.  Two of my girls also celebrate their birthdays this month.  There is basketball on TV almost every night, and they are all good games.  It is the month that goes in like a lion and comes out like a lamb.  I mean, how sweet is that...it is also the month where true madness took over our house this year.

I won't go into specifics.  Hopefully you won't die from the suspense of the unknown. 

Anyway, it seems like just yesterday I changed my calendar from February to March.  I blinked twice, and now here we are at the end of March already.  Whew.  That month went super fast.  So now in a couple days when I flip my calendar again, I will only have 1 month left in my fast...just 2 blinks, and I will be done.

Crazy.

And what's even crazier is the fact that I just might make it.

I have had quite a few people ask me this past month what my next step is going to be.  What I am going to do after this.  If I am going to go on a big shopping spree to celebrate.  What my first non-fast purchase will be.

And I just stand there looking all dumb because I don't really have a plan.

Don't get me wrong, I love a good plan.  But I simply don't have one for after this.  And part of that stems from the fact that I wasn't really planning on doing this to begin with.  Not until God spoke to me very clearly through my man.  But I feel like I should have a plan.  Almost like there is something amazing that I should be telling people that I am going to do, like discover the key to world peace or something.  My parents could only wish I was that smart.

So I've sort of been struggling with this whole idea of "what's next" for a few weeks.  And this morning God showed up and spoke to me through my devotions...again.  Sarah Young wrote in Jesus Calling, Stop trying to work things out before their times have come.  Accept the limitations of living one day at a time.  The Bible verse that accompanied that little nugget came to me courtesy of Ecclesiastes 3:1: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.  To which my footnote spoke these words: Timing is important...the secret to peace with God is to discover, accept, and appreciate God's perfect timing.  The danger is to doubt or resent God's timing.  This can lead to despair, rebellion, or moving ahead without his advice."

I wanted to make sure you caught that last little bit, which is why I found it important to bold, italicize, and underline it.  You are welcome.

Earlier this week I sat by at a table surrounded by other ladies, and we dissected 1 Samuel 23.  God opened my eyes to something very specific in that chapter.  There are two different instances in this chapter where David was under attack and had the ability to implement his own plan, but both times he inquired of the Lord, asking what His will was for him, and God provided David with clarity and insight on the battles that lay ahead.  In one instance, Saul was in hot pursuit of David, longing to kill him.  Yet David took the time to ask God what He would have him do.  God spoke clearly to David and revealed to him what his next step should be.  My footnote from this chapter goes on to say that "David sought the Lord's guidance before he took action.  He listened to God's directions and then proceeded accordingly.  Rather than trying to find God's will after the fact or having to ask God to undo the results of our hasty decisions, we should take time to discern God's will beforehand.  We can hear him speak though the counse of others, his Word, and the leading of his Spririt in our hearts, as well as through circumstances."

Oftentimes while I am reading 1 Samuel I think it would be so handy to have an Urim and Thummim today, which were stones used in Old Testament times as sacred lots to discern God's will.  Lot casting, if you will.

But instead we have this great thing, called the Holy Spirit that lives with us, and leads us, if we let it.  I know that before I take my next step; before I declare what my next "amazing" thing will be; before I blog about what God is calling me to, I am going to inquire of Him, and listen for His still small voice to lead me.


Please note that I love it when people ask me what is next, because it means that you care and that you are maybe reading my blog.  Thank you for all of your support...and for caring.

Packing while fasting

Spring Break.  This is something we did not have back in the "olden days" when I was a child.  We had Good Friday off and maybe a half-day on Thursday prior to that, and we called that Spring Break.  Good enough.  Now, however, Spring Break is a sacred week, one that not even make-up snow days can touch.  

Since my man and I have been together we have taken this week to spend time with not only our kids, but also my man's family, and this year was no different.  We enjoyed some time in Florida, where we have come to expect sun, swimming, sand in the most inconvenient places, tired children, weight gain, and sea-shell collecting.  This year, however, there was one thing that was significantly different from years past...the way I packed for our trip.  

Typically I would start scanning websites a month or so ahead of our trip and start ordering new outfits, swimsuits and shoes for everybody.  More shoes and clothes than one person could possibly wear in one week, but I always told myself that it is good to have extras, just in case.  Then I would typically pawn my children off on somebody for a day and do yet more shopping for this week of our life, because, you know, the locals totally care if my child is wearing a brand new outfit versus one that they wore last year.  Heaven forbid that happen.

Well, until this shopping fast thing happened.  And then that is exactly what happened.

Let me give you a little child-by-child rendition of how packing went down this year.

First up, Taityn, our wild and crazy 3 year old.  If you don't believe she is wild and crazy, just sit by her on a 1 1/2 hour plane ride.  This child does.not.sit.still.  Ever.  But she is as cute as a button and those brown eyes are killer.

This sweet little thing wore nothing but hand-me-downs from either her sister or cousin all week.  I spent approximately nothing on her for this trip.  It's sinful how much clothes and how many shoes are available to this child.  She did not go naked at all on our trip, and came home with many outfits that weren't even worn.  And, wait for it, she lived through it.  I know, she's one tough cookie.

Next up is her big sis, Boo.  She is 4 and a half, and please don't forget that "and a half," it is important to her for who knows why, and she will correct you if you end it at 4.  You have been warned.

She is a sweet little thing too, and also wore primarily hand-me-downs from her stylish older sister.  I did splurge and purchase a $5 pair of skinny jeans and a $3 pair of shorts from Wal-mart for her, as well as a $10 swimsuit so the chlorine/sun combo wouldn't ruin one of her "good" swimsuits.  In hindsight that decision didn't make any sense, but it's all water under the bridge now.  The sticky protective strip has been peeled off, thrown away, and the swimsuit has been worn.  She also required 1 new pair of sandals, which came to us from Target...just one step above Wal-Mart.  At this point in my life quality isn't important.  Keeping my man happy is.

Moving on....

Emerson.  She is our fun-loving, peace-keeping 8-year-old who wants equality for all.  The injustices of this world tug at her heart-strings, and she longs for a day when life makes sense.  Which will be never.  But I haven't told her that yet.

Being the oldest girl she doesn't have a tote (or two) of hand-me-downs waiting for her in the storage room, so she pretty much gets all new clothes.  So I was anticipating having to buy quite a few new things for her.  But apparently God was preparing her closet for my fast.  Odd.  But true.  I did not need to purchase one new thing for her.  She received a new outfit for her birthday that we took along, and I also bought her, for the same irrational reason as Boo, a new swimsuit from Wal-mart for $10.  Totally not needed.  She has enough swimsuits that she could wear a different one every day of the week(or longer) and never have to wear the same one twice.   I have a problem.  We already established that.  That is why I am right here, right now.  Remember?  

And then there is Holden.  I don't even have a picture of him by himself.  Bless it.  Someday, in 40 years, when I get his scrapbook done started, he will need therapy because of it.  But for now I'm just not even going to apologize for it.

So Holden is our 9-year-old boy who is growing up faster than I can handle.  I would love to put a brick on his head and slow it all down.  But then he does something completely boyish, like burp and toot at the dinner table, and I start counting down the days until he is going to be out of the house.  Just kidding.  Sort of.  

Ok, can I just say that packing for a boy is a million times easier than packing for girls.  There is no comparison.  A few random t-shirts and a couple pairs of mesh shorts and you are good to go.  The only thing this boy required for our trip was a new pair of shoes.  No new dresses with matching shoes and hair bows.  Shorts, t-shirts, and shoes.  The end.  I could pack for him to be gone for a week more often.  

Moving on to my man and me.  Oddly enough we have a picture of just the two of us...just look at that beautiful ocean behind us.  Makes me want to go back.  Right now.  So help me if it really snows again tomorrow.  Oops, got side-tracked.

We also were fairly easy to pack for.  The rules of my fast are pretty clear...no buying clothes for myself.  So I grabbed a few things out of my closet, put them in a bag, and called it good.  My man did the same thing.  And we also both came home with items that we didn't wear.  

When I started this fast in November I was immediately thinking of ways to "cheat" for Spring Break.  I was just sure that I would need to justify a lot of purchases.  I was tempted many, many times to order a few new things and later, like when the kids were wearing them in Florida, convince my husband that the kids needed them.  But when it came right down to it, this was perhaps the most stress-free packing I have ever experienced.  Even if I was packing for 6 people for a week away from home.  

The pressure to have my kids dressed in new clothes everyday and night vanished.  The pressure to keep up with everybody else was nonexistent.  And I suddenly had the ability to just enjoy our vacation without the need to look a certain way.

Thank you, Jesus, for another unexpected blessing from this fast.


Please note that my man is convinced that I need to do a shopping fast prior to Spring Break every year.  The jury is still out on that one.  

When Less becomes More

A few weeks ago we took our family skiing at Copper, Colorado.  This is a place that we have absolutely fallen in love with.  My man has fallen in love with the time he gets to spend flying down the mountain at crazy speeds while weaving in and out of trees, and I have fallen in love with the sweet little outlet mall 10 minutes away.

Until this year, when I was doing a lot more resenting than I was loving.

Anyway, when we were in Colorado we had gorgeous weather and great snow to ski on.  Our 3 older kids were with us and were also participating in our adventure.  And we were having so much fun.  Here is proof:

Yet all I could think about was that mall 10 minutes away, and all the things I was missing out on.  The entire time we were there I was haunted by that place.  Just feeling like I had to get there.  There were good deals to be had.  Cute clothes to be bought.  The only way for me to be happy was to get to that mall to see what was hanging on the racks of my favorite stores.  I had to go.  My soul would not rest until I found at least one thing to buy.  I mean good grief, I had coupons to use.

But alas, I didn't go.  For lots of reasons.  

First of all, with the weather as great as it was, we spent a majority of our time out on the mountain.

Second, there was a snowstorm brewing in Iowa, so our trip was cut short, which meant that I didn't have as much time to venture to the mall.

And third, I knew that there really wasn't anything at that mall that would make me happy for more than a few days, and that I wasn't really being haunted by the mall, I was being attacked by satan.  I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of winning.  He knew that all he had to do was get me into one store, and I would be toast.  What I hate about it all is that I really wasn't able to enjoy the trip, all because of him.  And that makes me angry.  Angry that he thinks he has the right to show up when and where he wants and wreak havoc on time that I am spending with my man and kids.  Angry that he ruined a great trip.  Angry that he took my focus off of God's beautiful creation.

In my group at church we are studying the book of 1 Samuel.  If you haven't read this book as an adult, I would encourage you to do so.  There is so much in there that the "David & Goliath" Children's Bible story version misses out on.  Anyway, we are discussing Saul and how so often as king he is torn between being the kind of king that God called him to be and being the person who satan wants him to be.  

Just when you think Saul likes David, an evil spirit comes over him, he is consumed with jealousy, and he starts chucking swords at David while he is playing his harp nearby.  There is a constant struggle between good and evil going on during Saul's reign as king.  And let's be honest, we really aren't that much different that Saul.  It's so easy for me to read stories out of the Bible and cast judgement on the people, but I am thinking that if my life were all written out in black and white for the whole world to read it wouldn't be very impressive either.  There would be some things that I am proud of, and others that, well, let's just say I'm glad that God offers grace and forgiveness.  

God vs satan isn't a new concept.  I know that.  But what is new is that in my quest for less, I have to look to God for more.  More guidance.  More direction.  More stability.  More strength.  Less of me so there can me more of Him.

John 3:30 says, "He must become greater, I must become less."

So very true.


Please note that I am by no means a theology major, so I'm sure there is a lot more to Saul's story than what my little mind can comprehend.  I am just telling you about what stood out to me while reading his life story.

Miracles

One of them turned 8 today, the other celebrated her 3rd birthday.

One of them has blond hair and blue eyes, the other has brown hair and brown eyes.

One of them we planned on, the other one God planned for us.

One of them came in the afternoon, the other was born in the morning.

One of them prefers to be inside, the other thrives when outside the confines of four walls.

 They both love to dance, sing, read books, be with their mom, and although they are both miracles, one has a story unlike the other.

It was a sticky humid July day in Missouri when the first signs of trouble appeared.  I was just six weeks pregnant, carrying a secret that I had not yet quite come to terms with.  You see, there are some people who do this thing called 'family planning.'  And we apparently were not one of them.  Oh I like a good plan, but sometimes God has a plan that is far better than one that we can write ourselves. 

So back to that hot day in July.  The instant I felt a gush I knew something wasn't right.  I quietly excused myself from a mean game of mini-golf that my husband and I were in with our 2 older children and ran, literally, to the bathroom, which confirmed what I had felt.  I was bleeding, and had never experienced that with the other 3 pregnancies.

I was scared to death.

I quickly called my doctor, and was told that I was more than likely having a miscarriage, and needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible.  My next phone call was to my mom, full of tears and pleas for prayers.  Prayers for this child that she didn't even know about until my phone call.

And then I had to tell my man.  So with tears in my eyes I told him what was happening.  How my body had betrayed me and how sorry I was.

After dropping the kids off at the condo we headed straight for the emergency room.  That was the longest car ride of my life, and my mind was spinning.  I was so angry at God.  Angry that He had given us this baby, just to turn around and take it away.  We never planned on having 4 kids, so why.  Why would He give, just to take away?

After a long, and unpleasant ultrasound, we were told that they could not find the fetus anywhere.  I was having a tubal pregnancy, which put my life at risk, therefore I was not allowed to leave the hospital until they could remove the fetus.

If ever I was a hot mess, it was right then and there in that tiny exam room.  

So many questions were going through my mind.  So many what-if's and now-what's.  So many tears shed for this baby.  So much frustration with my body.  So much anger.  So broken.

And my poor man had to make the phone calls.  The ones that told our families of our forth child that would never come to be.  

A sweet little man, Dr. Hooker, came into my exam room and told me that he would be performing the surgery to remove this child that I had never met, but loved with all my heart.  The child that I would die for.  

I remember telling the nurses in the operating room that my birthday was just a few days away, but this wasn't exactly the birthday present I was wishing for.

And off to sleep I went.

When I was starting to come to in the recovery room I heard the nurses saying something about a girl that was still pregnant, but couldn't quite make out what they were saying.  Later when the fog cleared a little more, I was finally able to ask what was going on, and they spoke the words that I never dreamed I would hear..."Darlin', you are still pregnant."

I was pretty sure I was under the affect of drugs, but this is what they shared with me...

After a failed attempted to locate the fetus in either of my fallopian tubes, the doctor prepared to do a DNC to help my body rid itself of the baby.  But God had sent a host of angel armies to my room during surgery, and Dr. Hooker, being pro-life, felt led to do another ultrasound, just for his own peace of mind.  Much to his surprise, he found our sweet little baby right where it should be, with a good strong heartbeat.  But she was tucked behind a big blood clot, which brought a whole host of it's own concerns.

But my baby was alive.

I will speed things up here by telling you that after 16 long, hard, worrisome weeks, full of prayers and tears, the blood clot dissolved on its own, taking with it the high risk of miscarriage.

At 34 weeks I was measuring 4 weeks behind.  More red flags.  Another ultrasound to confirm that our child was still growing ok.

Then at 36 weeks I was hospitalized with kidney stones.

And finally at 39 1/2 weeks, on the morning of her sister's birthday,  we met this little girl face-to-face who was perfect in every way.  Taityn Lin DeVries entered this world ready to take it on.  

Her pregnancy helped me believe that miracles do still happen today....and that God's plan is better.

Please note that I do believe that all of our kids are miracles...maybe some more than others.   

Recap

Holy moley have we been busy here.  I think my last post was February 19.  For those of you that really enjoy reading my blog, sorry about that.  For the rest of you who are sick of hearing about this fast and the Community Closet Cleanse, you are welcome.

Here is a recap since I posted last:

*Community Closet Cleanse is officially over.  The trailer is overflowing full.  We had to get a second, smaller trailer to store some items in.  People are still bringing stuff to the radio station.  We don't have a key to the trailer anymore.  You do the math.

*I am now 4 months into my fast, and I have only 2 months to go.  That.is.crazy.  Just when I thought time would stand still, it flew.  And now rather than working on a plan to make it through my fast without going crazy I am trying to figure out what life after my fast is going to look like.

*Satan continues to attack.  God continues to lift me up.  It's a great combination.

*Winter is still here.  And it's March.  I'm over it.  Still.

*2 of my sweet girls will be turning another year older tomorrow.  Where there is a birthday, there is a party.  Where there are two birthdays, there is all sorts of mayhem.  More on that tomorrow.

*I have played UNO at least 17 times each day.  I would pay for a 30 degree day.

There is so much more...but none of which you want to hear about.  So keep on, keepin' on.


Please note that it would do my ego good to know that at least 1 person missed me.  But don't feel obligated to say it...