Cleanse...and not the closet type

Have you ever said 'yes' to something, and after giving it some serious thought changed your mind, but it was too late to to say 'no', so you just went with it anyway, and then right when you started the thing you said 'yes' to you wanted to jump ship, but your pride got the better of you and so you stuck with it even though you really didn't want to?

I am not talking about my marriage here.  I would say yes to my man a million times over.  Although I wonder if he would ask me again if given the chance to do it over?  Well, for the sake of argument we are going to say that he would, and move on.

A good friend of mine started selling Advocare Products a couple years ago.  For awhile I avoided her like a plague because I didn't want her pressuring me into doing something wack like eating healthy.  Then after a few days months, I realized that she wasn't the pushy type, so I could hang out with her again.

Fast forward a couple of years.

About a month ago I was starting to feel very sluggish, and noticed that my face was starting to resemble that of a j-high girl going through the awkward puberty stage.  Adult acne is about as awesome as, well, nothing.  I did a little research, googled "cleanse" came up with a millions options, of which 'Advocare' was at the top of.  Lovely.  Clicked on the 'Dr. Oz Cleanse' option, decided I wasn't dedicated enough to go about this on my own....I mean who really has the time or ingredients to make a smoothie each morning that includes flax seeds, coconut water, ginger-flavored kumbocha, silken tofu, carrot juice, beet root, and the like!?!?  I have approximately 23 seconds each morning to eat breakfast.  Which is pry why I am in this predicament to begin with.  Anyway, then I clicked on the Advocare link and read this:

Toxins are everywhere – in the foods we eat, the air we breathe and the ground we walk on. These toxins build up in our body and may contribute to weight gain, loss of overall energy and poor skin tone, among other detrimental effects. 

Who knew!?!?

I was sold.

So then I did what any awesome daughter would do, I suckered my mom into doing this crazy 10 day Herbal Cleanse with me, because I need somebody to lean on when I'm not strong....or laugh with when all I want to do is gnaw my own arm off because I am in udder and complete sugar withdrawal.  Anyway, our regiment includes drinking this Peaches & Cream Fiber Drink in the morning.  Don't be deceived by the pretty package.  It is ew.  Just ew.  I don't care who makes it, the reality is that no fiber drink is good, and you can't convince me otherwise.  I literally gagged it down this morning.  Only 5 more of these to go...it's going to be a serious game of mind over matter here.

And we have to eat healthy, natural foods.  Say what!?!?!  That's all good, except that I pretty much live on Mt Dew and candy pumpkins right now.  THEY GET ME THROGH MY EVER-LOVING, NEVER-ENDING, HOMEWORK-SATURATED, PIANO-PRACTICING, LONG DAY WITH 4 KIDS!  The reality is that when I gave up shopping a year ago, I took up eating sugar.  Oh, fine, I've lived on sugar my whole life.  Read this fine print on the cleanse brochure and weep with me:

I cannot even.

When I am hungry, I am crabby.  Like, I am talking a 6-week old baby screaming, crying, and kicking their legs crabby.  When I am crabby, life goes to pot here.  So it was important that I be able to eat something while doing this to keep my energy level up as well as my happy mommy attitude.  The beauty of the Advocare cleanse is that for those 10 things I need to avoid for 10 days, there is a whole gammet of things I can eat.  And a green smoothie is NOT a required drink.  Bless.

So here's a recap for all of you, showing what I eat on a normal day vs. what I ate today.  Please be impressed.

                              Normal                                                                          Cleanse
Breakfast:  2 pieces of toast with margarine and Grandma Jam          1 banana
                   a glass of milk                                                                    a glass of delicious fiber drink

Snack:        1 can of Mt. Dew                                                               1 20-oz. bottle of water
                   A handful of candy                                                            1 banana

Lunch:        Whatever I can find...sandwich, mac'n'cheese,                 Raw spinach salad with
                    leftovers, Culver's, etc.                                                       chicken breast, blueberries,
                   And maybe another Mt Dew if I am feeling thirsty             apples, and walnuts, with
                                                                                                                raspberry vinaigrette*
                                                                                                              Water to drink

Snack:        A few crackers and more candy...                                      Spark Energy Drink(not as
                                                                                                                bad as it's fiber friend)

Dinner:       Whatever is on the menu board...Strombolli,                     Grilled hamburger, no bun,
                    Corn Casserole, BLT's, chips, etc.                                       with tomatoes, onion and
                    Water                                                                                     lettuce, spinach salad
                                                                                                               Water

*not sure this is legit, but throw me a bone here people, I have been gnawing on raw spinach the whole live-long day

So far on day one I have not snapped at or strangled anyone yet, so I would consider that a success.


Please note that you are all full of toxins, but Jesus still loves you, so carry on.