30 years

The older I get, the more I realize how God has called us all to walk a different path in this life.  Some carry the burden of being overweight, while others are battling cancer, others struggle internally with self esteem issues, some are dealing with broken marriages, and still others are addicted to drugs.  We each have a cross to bear.  God has created us all for different reasons, with different stories to share.  A little over a month ago I shared my daughter's story, and today it's my turn to share my story.

Here we go.

30 years ago today my mom, brother, and I set out for the Easter Sunday service at our country church.  My dad wasn't feeling well and decided to stay home. The ground was covered with snow, the remains of a bad storm, as we left our little house in town, to set out for church.

Shortly after we were out of town my mom lost control of our vehicle on the ice covered road and we hit an on-coming pickup head on.  

As was the custom that many years ago, we were all sitting in the front seats and none of us were in seat belts, and although my mom tried her best to act as a human seat belt, I slipped under her arm and my face hit the dash of our car, shattering my nose and left eye socket and pushing my left eye back into my head about an inch.  My brother was pinned in the car, and my mom's head hit the windshield knocking out a number of teeth and she also broke her arm and cut her leg.

But God was on our side.  His angels were busy that day orchestrating the events that happened from that point on.  A doctor drove up on our accident while on his way to Easter lunch and stopped to help; the fire department and ambulance crew responded immediately, including my dad who was a member of the fire department; my grandparents were all pulled out of their Easter services and were able to make it to us to be with us; prayers were being sent up immediately on our behalf.

We were all taken by ambulance to the nearest hospital, then after further examination it was evident that I needed to go on, so we were all transferred to Mercy Hospital in Mason City, and then I was quickly transferred to Saint Mary's Hospital in Rochester, Minnesota.

At the ripe age of 4, I had a plastic surgeon.  Tummy tucks and a new chest he never provided, but he did perform over 20 facial reconstructive surgeries on me over the next 17 years, including the initial surgery that was performed to replace my nose and eye brow and repair my left eye.

There are so many more details to this story, but I will end it there.  

So often growing up I struggled with "why me?"  And as I have become an adult I have started asking myself a different question "why not me?"  God has used that horrible car accident to mold me and shape me into who I am today.  My stomach still flips anytime I see stitches or hear of somebody getting staples; my kids ride in the backseat of my truck with their seat belts on out of fear that the same would happen to them; but I look at my life and know that I am alive only for His glory...crooked nose and scars that will never quite fade and all.

In Max Lucado's book It's Not About Me he repeats over and over how this life that I am living here is not about me, it's not for my glory or my fame, but for God's alone.  Here are a few of my favorite reminders:

-God's priority is his glory.  He occupies center stage; I carry props.  He's the message; I'm but a word.

-Reduce the human job description down to one phrase, and this is it: Reflect God's glory.

-It's not about us, and it angers him when we think it is.

-God does not exist to make a big deal out of us.  We exist to make a big deal out of him.  It's not about you.  It's not about me.  It's all about him.

So on a day like this, the 30th "anniversary" of our car accident, it's so easy for me to get wrapped up in the what-if's, the pain of the past 30 years, the poor me mentality.  But then I am reminded that I am just here to reflect God's glory, and how can I do that when I beg for the spotlight.  

I can't.

I will never know what my mom and dad, brother, and many others who walked with me through that day went through.  But I am confident that God wrote this story just for me, and I am sure of this:

The Lord Himself goes before me(you) and He will be with me;

  He will never leave me nor forsake me.

    Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

-Deuteronomy 31:8

After our car accident my Grandma made a book for me, so that even though I was too young to remember what God had done for us, I would be able to look back and see that He was and is faithful.  She included this poem in my book by an unknown author, and I think it still speaks to me today:

He Cared Enough to Send the Very Best

 My Father's way may twist and turn, my heart may throb and ache,

But in my soul I'm glad I know, He maketh no mistake.

My cherished plans may go astray,

My hopes may fade away;

But still I'll trust my Lord to lead

for he doth know the way.

There's so much now I cannot see, my eyesight's far too dim;

But come what may, I'll simply trust, and leave it all to him.

For by and by the mist will lift, and plain

it all he'll make,

Through all the way, tho' dark to me,

He made not one mistake!

Please note that I did not share my story with you to seek out your pity, but rather to challenge you to reflect on God's faithfulness in your own life...and perhaps to bump you off of center stage to make room for Him.