Dirty Laundry

Today is laundry day at my house.  I.Love.Laundry.Day.  For real.  There isn't anything more satisfying to me than having 5 laundry baskets full of clean clothes.  Even if it only lasts for 5 minutes.  I live for those 5 minutes.

As I was folding my last little shirt today I looked down at my bed, and the entire thing was covered with clothes.  Covered.  You could not even see the comforter through all the piles of clothes.  Ridiculous.

I then counted all those clothes, and this is what I came up with...in a weeks worth of time our family of 6 wore 69 shirts, 56 pairs of socks, 52 articles of unmentionables, 48 pairs of pants, 4 dresses, 20 pairs of jammies, 1 leotard, and 2 1/2 swimsuits(don't ask.).  And those are just the things that made it to the laundry basket.  That does not include the random items left in the toy room, stuffed under the bed, or hung back in the closet to be worn a second time before washing(if you think that is gross, I don't care).

Ridiculous.

And what is even worse is that nobody was out of clothes in their drawers or closets.  Still plenty of shirts, pants, jammies, socks, and swimsuits to last a few more days.

Oh I have had the urge for awhile now, ever since I read Jen Hatmaker's book entitled Seven, to do a closet purge.  You know, get rid of those items that I am hanging on to just-in-case the situation arises that I might in the off-chance need to wear them again sometime in the next 3 1/2 years.  A good example would be this cute little halter-top I have.  Are those even cute anymore?  Well, at any rate I cannot part with this thing.  I wore it 2 kids ago, and may have had the chest to pull it off at the time.  But not anymore.  It is time to bid that top farewell, give it my blessing, and send it on it's way.  Surely there is somebody out there that can do that top more justice than I can.  And then there are those jeans that I am hanging on to...a pair for fat days, a pair for skinny days, and 15 pairs for all the other days.  And let's be honest, most days I end up in comfy pants anyway...

So my goal for the new year is to rid my closet of those things that I have no use for, and taking it one step further, to keep in line with my fast, to see how long I can go without filling the empty hangers.

Jen talked in her book about consumerism, here is what she had to say in regard to shopping and clothes:

With my genuine needs met but so many dollars yet unspent, shopping has become a stronger marker of freedom than voting, and what we spend in the mall matters more than what we're accomplishing together as the church.  I am a part of the problem, a contributing member of inequality.  Every time I buy another shirt I don't need or a seventh pair of shoes for my daughter, I redirect my powerful dollar to the pockets of consumerism, fueling my own greed and widening the gap.  Why?  Because I like it.  Because those are cute.  Because I want that.

These thoughts burden my holistically, but the trouble is, I can rationalize them individually.  This one pair of shoes?  Big deal.  This little outfit?  It was on sale.  This micro-justification easily translates to nearly every purchase I've made.  Alone, each item is reduced to an easy explanation, a harmless transaction.  But all together, we've spent enough to irrevocably change the lives of a hundred thousand people.  What did I get for that budgeting displacement?  Closets full of clothes we barely wear and enough luxuries to outfit twenty families.

I am just sure that Jen and I are soul mates.  She pry wouldn't agree though.

I am not kidding that there is something about shopping that just feels good to me.  There is something about ripping the tag off a new shirt, or putting on a new pair of jeans that just feels so liberating to me.  And I can justify just about every purchase I have ever made.  I have a problem.  I know.

My man and I were in Des Moines Saturday night and I confessed some of my dirty laundry to him...since my fast forbids me to shop for and spend money on clothes, I have been shopping and spending money on other things...furniture for my daughter's room(she moved from a crib to a big-girl bed), accessories for her room, books, curtains, home decor, Christmas gifts, and more.

And I am left wondering why I feel like God has sort of turned his back on me.

My fast was initiated, and orchestrated for the sole purpose of turning to God when I needed filling, not to shopping.  And I failed.

Shame on me.  But I am not going to wave my white flag of defeat quite yet.  I have another plan.

For the next 4 months I am going to take my fast one step further.  I am going to not only bid shopping for clothes farewell and rid my closet of the clutter, but I am going to spend money only on the necessities...food, toiletries, haircuts(sorry, I must cover all the grays), etc.  And no, this is not about the money, in case you are wondering, this is about me needing to rely fully on my God, and not on the temporary fulfillments of this world.

I read this morning in my devotions the following:  Enjoy the adventure of finding yourself through losing yourself in Me.

So if you run into me at Walmart and I have a cute $1 coloring book in my cart for my daughter, you can kindly tell me that she doesn't need it.  Or if you see a fun throw-pillow in my cart at Target, you can tell me to put it back.  And if you find out that I have been searching the internet for a cute new swimsuit for spring break, please tell me how ugly it would look on me.  And remind me that I am supposed to be losing myself so that I can find myself in God.


Please note that if you do any of the things I mentioned in my last paragraph, I may "unfriend" you on Facebook, but eventually I will come to my senses and appreciate you again.

Hard Days

You do not even know how hard it is for me to not shop the day-after-Christmas-sales stores are now having.

This is the most wonderful time of the year when I typically start a stock-pile of clothes for next year.  I have a pretty good idea of what size all the kiddos will be next fall and winter, and I love to shop sales, so this season of savings was made for people like me.

Until this year.

Instead of gassing up the truck, dropping the kids off at my mom, and rushing to Des Moines, I am stripping The Beast of all Christmas decor and vacuuming up all the evidence that The Beast left behind on my carpet.

I caught a glimpse of a sale advertisement at a store I like to shop at while checking Facebook.  However, I did not click on it, nor did I check to see what might be available in my childrens sizes.  Instead, I kept scrolling, to see if there was anything else more exciting posted.

There wasn't.

Anyway, shortly after starting my fast I decided that it was in my best interest to "unsubscribe" to all those daily e-mails that filled my in-box.  Each one brought temptation with it, and I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to handle 6 months of that torture.  I mean, it would be like going on a diet, and then making cookies everyday and setting them on the counter and staring at them.  Failure would soon happen.  So normally I would have woke up to e-mail after e-mail, each one boasting about the "best sale of the year."

But not this year.

Instead, when I was doing my devotions this morning I came across this verse that I had hi lighted in my Bible found in Psalm 16:8:

I have set the Lord always before me.  
      Because he is at my right hand,
    I will not be shaken.

The crazy thing about that verse is that I was actually supposed to read a different passage, but for some reason that one a few pages later caught my eye.  It's funny how God knows what we need, and when we need it.  He knew that today would be a hard day for me to resist the temptations of the devil, so He reminded me that with Him, I cannot be shaken.


Please note that we will never be buying a Christmas tree as big as The Beast again.  Wow, what were we thinking...my vacuum will never be the same.

Mary did you know?

We are on the countdown to Christmas at our house.  The paper chain has just a few circles remaining, counting down the day until we get to celebrate Jesus' Birthday.

We had our own little Christmas party at our house this morning, complete with yummy food and lots of fun gifts the kids enjoyed opening.  We started our celebration off by reading from the Adventures in Odyssey Activity Calendar included in our Thriving Family magazine.  It spoke about how there were so many people expectantly waiting for Jesus' birth, just as people were excited about our own birth.  

The kids then allowed me a few minutes to talk about how each of them came into the world...minus the human anatomy lesson.

I told our firstborn how we were so excited for him to come into the world.  My due date came and went, and still no baby.  I waited another week until the doctor said it was time.  And I was never the same.

Then I told our second born how I cried for the first week after I found out I was pregnant with her.  We lightly touched on how God's time is not always our time, and I wrapped it up by telling her that she came, with the help of modern medicine, on her due date, and was much easier on me than her brother.  She liked hearing that, especially after the whole crying-for-a-week thing.

I shared with our third child how she was a gift from God, and that I had really bad back labor with her, and I was as happy as a clam to have that over with.  There was no sugar on the end of her story, except her of course.

And our fourth "baby" is a miracle from God and too little to understand what that means.  This is not the post I want to share her story in, but I promise, it will come.  And I promise that even though she was the biggest surprise of our lives, we can't imagine a day without her and all that God has taught us through her.

So back to Jesus and his birth story.  

I have been thinking so much about Mary this Christmas season, and what she felt as mother of Jesus.  

I remember so clearly the minute the doctor placed my new infant on my chest, the joy and excitement that I felt with each one.  The lack of pain that I felt thanks to some good drugs.  The army of people there to help me with my delivery and the many hands that were available to care for my new child, all in a very clean, sterile room. 

And what did Mary have?  Joy and excitement I am sure.  But as a young teenage mom she had little to no experience delivering a child.  With nothing but her man to help.  No army of nurses to tend to her or her infant.  And she was in a barn, in a bit of animal poop, perhaps.

And I wonder if Mary knew.

If she knew that the baby that she just delivered, the ones she had her own hopes and dreams for, the child that God had chosen her to bring into this world, would someday be hanging on the cross to save thousands, millions of people.

I dare to bet that had she known the pain He was destined to experience, she would have traded places with him.  She would have bargained with God in order that her son would not have had to walk that road.

When our oldest was about 18 months old we were told that he failed a hearing test, and would need hearing aids.  

And my heart broke.

Here he was, my child, my little boy, and I knew that although hearing aids were not the worst diagnosis we could have heard, I also knew that kids are mean and cruel, and that he would endure pain and hardships that I would much rather carry.  I could handle those hurtful words.  I could handle the stares.  I could handle the inconvenience.  

Give it to me God, and please take it away from my son.  

I started bargaining with God as if my life depended on it.  If only he could take this away from my son, then I would be better.  If He would take it away, then I would sing his praise all my days.  I would share what He had done for us, the healing that He offered.

We took our son for healing prayer.  And the craziest thing happened, the craziest God-thing ever.

We had a more invasive hearing test performed on him at Blank Children's Hospital a few days later.  

And he passed.

Not only did he pass, but the technician couldn't figure out why in the world we were there.

He did it.  God did it.  He healed my son.  He took away all the things I had become anxious about.

God did not do the same for Mary.  She raised this gift from God, only to watch him die in public disgrace.  I am almost sure that Mary's heart broke, just like my mother's heart does when I see my child suffering, hurting, or alone.

I love how Mary set an example for us all when she replied to the angel in Luke 1:38, "I am the Lord's servant...May it be to me as you have said."

Mary didn't know.  She didn't know how Joseph would react to the news that she was caring a child conceived by the Holy Spirit.  She didn't know how her family would react.  And she certainly didn't know how difficult it would be to see her child die.  But she trusted God, and His plan.  And she knew that even if all of her prayers went unanswered, and even if God didn't bargain with her and allow her to trade places with her son, allow her to carry the pain of his death, that the story God had written was far better than anything she could have come up with.

Please note that I pray you all have a wonderful Christmas, enjoying lots and lots of food, fellowship, and perhaps a few new outfits for me.

Disconnected

From what I can tell, there are two different people in the world: those who like to be spontaneous(my man), and those who like a well thought-out plan(myself).  And apparently those two different types of people can live in harmony with each other.  Most of the time.

Thursday night my man brought up the idea of getting rid of our cable.  Now, granted, we have thrown this idea around from time to time, but there was never a serious discussion had.  So he threw the idea out there again, and I kind of said that I would possibly think about it the next time I was somewhat bored.

Friday night he mentioned to our son that he needed his help on Saturday in the attic.  So I inquired what they were doing in the attic, perhaps hunting for bats.  Nope.  My man had purchased an antenna, and he planned to put it up Saturday in order to eliminate our DirecTV.

Excuse me.  Do you remember me saying that I would think about it maybe, I had not fully committed to this.

Apparently he was having selective hearing when the topic had been ever so slightly brushed upon on Thursday night.

I voiced my concern, letting him know exactly which channel(s) I would miss watching, along with telling him that the kids would be after his head if they didn't have Disney Junior to watch in the morning.  Ok, so maybe that was me that was going to miss Disney Junior in our morning routine...I can't entertain this tribe 24-hours a day.

Saturday rolled around and I left for a quick Target run.

When I came back 8 hours later, our cable was gone.  Disconnected.  No longer in service.  Kaput.  

Now I know there are a lot of people who live without the likes of cable television.  I just haven't been one of them since I was little enough to do a somersault without pulling a few muscles.  It's not even that I watch that much television, I just like to have it there as an option at 5:30 when the kids are tired and hungry and dinner is still 45 minutes from ready.

And even more than that, I like to contemplate for a rather long time the pros and cons of change.  My husband doesn't.  I have many examples to support that too, but I won't bore you with them on here.

Anyway, the point in all of this is that God is continuing to call me to a simpler life.  One that is not dependent on the happenings of HGTV, but rather on the happenings of life around me.  

I am guessing that by getting rid of DirecTV we will be saving an estimated $1,200 a year, give or take.  And what exactly can be done with that money is up to God, but as I mentioned in an earlier post, there are lots of places that would welcome that money each month, and perhaps will benefit from it more than DirecTV.  

So I guess that sometimes being spontaneous is what I need to be so that I can have Eyes to see what God has in store for me. 

It is perhaps obvious this far into my blog that I love music and I love how it speaks to me.  I had the privilege to hear Laura Story sing in person this summer, and love her music.  A new song of hers entitled I Can Just Be Me is one that I have fallen in love with.  A few of my favorite lines in the song say "I've been holding on so tightly to all the things that I think that can satisfy my soul.  But I'm letting go....I can be frail and shattered.  Lord I need you now...now I'm needing, desperately pleading, oh Lord be all to me...be my everything.  Cause I'm so tired of trying to be someone I was never meant to be."

I don't think God meant for me to be on this earth for my own happiness, I believe that I was created to do His will.  And He keeps showing me that in this journey.


Please note that over the course of the last 72 hours both the kids and I have survived without HGTV and Disney Junior.  Thankfully the amish antenna up in our attic picks up a new fun cartoon channel, as well as a low-budget HGTV knock-off.  

More vs Less

Today I stopped at our Community Center to drop off the gifts we had bought for our adopt-a-family.  Now I am in no way bragging, looking for recognition, or trying to make you feel lousy if you didn't participate.  I just needed to lead into my post with something.

So I hauled a few bags and a super heavy item up about 900 stairs.  I swear that building is so old that it doesn't have an elevator.  And as I was bringing the items up, I was reminded of something I read last night.  I am almost through the book Christmas is Not Your Birthday, which means I will only quote it a few more times before I move on to the next book, then you will get to read about that book.

Mike Slaughter wrote, "At Christmas, we celebrate a messiah, a deliverer, who was born to die.  So, we too are called to give ourselves sacrificially with Christ for the world that God loves.  More of him and less of us.  More for him and less for us.  Such sacrifice is paradoxical because the more of ourselves that we give away, the more abundant our faith and our contentment will be with what we have.  In our culture of consumption, this is a countercultural way to live.  Living on less when we could have more and giving away more when it means having less is a frightening proposition to many.  It is not easy, and there will be naysayers, but this sacrifice is what Jesus truly desires of those who would follow him."

What is interesting is that Mike is a pastor and also challenged his congregation to donate money to a certain organization equal to that which they spent on Christmas gifts that year.  So if I spent say $500 on gifts for everybody on my list, then I would also give away $50o to help the poor.

And I wonder what that would do to our spending habits.  Would we be inclined to spend just as much, knowing that we had to match that to bless others with.  Or would our spending on gifts decrease so that we would be able to give more away.

What if we take it one step further and say that any money spent should be matched and given away.  If it takes $200 a week to feed and clothe my family of 6, then I could donate that same amount to provide rice and clean drinking water to a family in a third world country.  Honestly, it would pry provide enough for a month.  

It is a little scary to think about, and I am not saying that it is right for everybody.  In fact, my man and I have yet to discuss the idea, but I think it's a great seed to plant.  

How could I live with less?  What does that look like?  For me, I think I have realized over the last 6 weeks that we can live with a lot less clothes.  Like I mentioned in an earlier post, there hasn't been one single day over the last 6 weeks that I or my kids have gone anywhere naked. 

 You are welcome for that.

In fact, do I dare say that I have enjoyed the challenge of coming up with "new outfits" in my own closet.  I told my man that it is all about the layers, and it also works in my favor that the "in thing" right now isn't to be quite so matchy-matchy, so my orange scarf with my navy sweater actually makes me look a little trendy instead of dumpy.  

So I can obviously do with less in terms of clothes, but what else...less channels on our television perhaps, less toys in the basement maybe, less iPods certainly, less for me and more for Him definitely.

I feel like God is calling me to less.  That perhaps after my fast is over I will shop for a new item or two, but instead of filling my closet with more, He wants to see what I can do with less.  And that feels like a challenge that I will only be able to conquer with His help.

I am reminded of the verse where Jesus talks about seeing the hungry, but not feeding them, seeing the naked, but not clothing them.

Last year my husband and I took a trip to the Dominican Republic with some friends of ours and my eyes were opened to what the hungry and naked of this world look like.  

We stayed in an fabulous all-inclusive resort, where we were left wanting for nothing.  And on a day-trip out to zip-line we drove out of our lavish resort and through some very poor areas.

At one point I looked over and saw a half-naked child about the same age as my third child, and my heart broke.  Here we were having the time of our lives, with nothing to care about except what cute outfit I would wear to dinner in an extravagant restaurant.  

And this boy didn't even have pants to wear.

And he more than likely didn't have a kitchen full of food choices either.

My first thought was to pack him in my suitcase and take him home, but my man wasn't on board with that.  So we just drove past.

And I think about that boy every so often wondering what his life is like and what the future looks like for him.  And mostly wondering how in the world God chose to bless me with food, clothing, and shelter, and not him.  

I have said it before, and I will say it again, as it is my go-to quote right now...I am blessed to be a blessing...

Please note that we had so much fun on our trip to the DR, and I truly believe that God allowed us to take that trip so that my eyes would be opened.  He had to get my attention somehow, and he knew that wasn't going to happen sitting on my computer in my living room shopping on-line.  

Feast

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to my daughter's preschool for their Thanksgiving Feast.  We had a great morning preparing food, and then a while later 19 kids and 5 adults sat at a long table to partake in the prepared feast.  There were apple slices, corn bread, more popcorn than we could eat, candy corn, and apple juice to drink.

About an hour after I finished with the preschool feast, I went to grade school to eat the Thanksgiving Feast prepared by the school cooks.  Again, we were offered a variety of foods, including turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, corn, pumpkin pie, and more.

I felt like a stuffed turkey after indulging in those two feasts.

Earlier that week my mom had shared an article with me by Leslie Royalty entitled "Fasting: An Invitation to Feast."  The article talked about the purposes of fasting, both modern day fasting and that which we read about in the Bible.  In regard to fasting she wrote that "the primary purpose in doing so is to position ourselves with an open and attentive heart before God."

She was speaking right to me, I am sure of it.

She went on to write the following:
"I sensed Jesus' clear invitation, 'I want you to FEAST on ME today'.  What a joy!  Rather than focusing on what I was going without, Jesus was calling me to come to him and FEAST!  Just like I would partake of a big banquet, to dig into him, to drink deeply of HIM.  To eat heartily and savor His Word.  To allow Him to nourish me and satisfy me with Himself.  To enjoy Him, to delight in His presence within and around me."

And so my focus with this fast has turned from what I cannot have or do, to that which God is trying to give me.

He didn't call me to do this so that I would be miserable and walking around wallowing in self-pity, or gloating either for that matter.  He called me to this fast so that I would turn to him to fill me, so that I would feast in his presence and eat the "food" He is offering me.

Just like I was full after a day of feasting with my kids, so God wants me to be full everyday after feasting on His word.

I have starting keeping a journal that is filled with scripture passages that speak to me.  Ones that feed me when I start to feel hungry for God.  Verses that I can turn to when I feel the hunger pains and start longing for something other than God.

I really like Isaiah 41:10:
So do not fear, for I am with you;
  do not be dismayed for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

What a beautiful promise made by our Savior walk with us no matter what we are facing, be it a fast or a feast or something else.


Please note that school lunches are not always my favorite, but I love seeing my kids in their element, on their turf so-to-speak, so they can show me what they do when they are away from home.  I would encourage you to make time to feast with a child in your life this week...even if you have to eat crispitos.

Hot Pursuit

Last week Tuesday my mom and I went and had a shopping day.  There I said it.  I.went.shopping.

And then on Friday night, I went again.

Ok, fine, I went Saturday night too.

Now before you all jump ship and label me a loser, I want you to know that I did not buy any clothes for myself or my kids.  I even went into OshKosh with a $10 reward certificate and spent it on undies.  Ugly boy undies none-the-less.  I don't understand why they can't even be sort of cute.  I saw plenty of other cute things in there, but nope, I bought underwear.  Bless it.

All of those shopping trips have been for Christmas gifts.  And I have been doing Christmas shopping like it's nobody's business.  And I am done.  So I guess I am done shopping until May then too.  Awesome.

Oh, I do have a point in all of this, so stick with me.  

Through all of this shopping and pursuing of the right gifts, I haven't felt like I did those first few weeks of my fast.  The first month I was in hot pursuit of God's direction and will.  But the "honeymoon" period is over, and I think I lost a little steam after that first month.

My husband can relate.

Not sure if it's because of the Christmas shopping I have been doing, or if I am just getting comfortable with the whole situation, but I do feel like I am a little disconnected right now.  

I am reading Christmas is Not Your Birthday by Mike Slaughter, and came across this little paragraph today that caught my attention:

Only when we realize how far we have strayed from the one who loves us so deeply and unconditionally can we respond in radical faith.  And when we passionately pursue God as our defining life center, then everything else will be rightly ordered.

As I read that I felt that nudge, that quiet whisper that told me that I have perhaps strayed from God a bit over the last week or so.  I quickly and easily fell back into the routine of shopping, even if it wasn't for clothes.  Searching Target after Target for the doll that claimed to be available in each store, only to find out it wasn't(Target, you need to work on that), scanning website after website for the right gift for my mom, and driving from one sports store to another looking for something to make my son happy.  

I think I lost sight of what God was calling me to do in the first place.  Rather than pursuing Him, I have been pursuing the things of this world that will provide temporary happiness for my loved ones. 

So I think I cheated a bit.  Not in the sense that I shopped for clothes, since I didn't do that, but rather in the sense that I put God in second place again, and let shopping for Christmas gifts fulfill me.

The good news is that my Christmas shopping is complete, The Beast is decorated, and my stockings are hung.  

Now I need to be in hot pursuit of God so that my life will have some order to it again...and perhaps ask for a little forgiveness for straying.


Please note that I do realize that Christmas is not my birthday, or my kids', or anybody else's for that matter.  It is Jesus' birthday, but I have yet to figure out how to explain that to 4 little kids and have them understand why they shouldn't get gifts when everybody else is...thoughts for another post perhaps...

Peace

Yesterday marked not only the one-month date for my journey, but it was also the first Sunday of Advent.  Crazy how quick that came after Thanksgiving this year.

Anyway, over the last couple of weeks it seems like no matter what I read or hear it has something to do with peace.

So I have been pondering what peace means to me.  And my initial reaction is that peace comes from about 1pm-2:30pm when my littles are napping.  Peace and quiet.  That is what I long for.

But I'm pretty sure that is not the peace that I am being lead to seek right now.  Although God blesses me with the temporary peace and quiet my ears and body need each day, He is trying to bless me with a different kind of peace. 

This morning in my devotion I read, "Walk with Me along paths of Peace; enjoy the journey in My Presence." (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling)

"Enjoy the journey in My Presence"...I like that.  A lot.  Over the last month I have been, well, sort of enjoying the journey, and I have certainly found myself in God's Presence often. I love how God has opened doors to conversations and relationships that may have otherwise been left alone.  I love how God has started to transform the desires of my heart from what I can purchase, to the things that can't be purchased.  I love it when my husband tells me that I am a better mom & wife after starting this journey.  

What I do not love is how I can still be so easily tempted to stray.  How a 10% off plus free shipping on TOMS makes my heart beat a little faster.  I do not love that when I see certain people wearing new clothes I judge rather than offer compliments.  I do not love the ugly that still lives in my heart.

I need peace.

God's peace. 

Romans 15:13 says, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Oh, I want to trust in him.  In certain areas of my life.  Like I trust in Him with this fast.  But I don't so much trust in Him when it comes to raising my kids.  I mean, I know them well, I have been with them their whole lives, I know what makes them tick, so I got it.  

But I don't.

I often loose my patience, get frustrated, angry, and act unloving towards them.  We can put on a great show when we are out in public, but most days I am overcome with the daunting task of raising 4 kids.  But rather than turning to God for his peace to wash over me, I put on my big-girl panties and do it myself.

I act like my 2-year old.  Fabulous.

And I read in Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Daily, hourly, every minute I need Him to uphold me.  To cover me with his peace so that I may live a life that is pleasing to him.  

I think one of the gifts God wants to bless me with through this fast is peace.  And I think that he is opening my eyes to areas where I need to come clean with Him, depend on Him to strengthen me, so that I can have the peace that is listed with the other fruits of the spirit.

God doesn't really want to give me external peace, it's the internal peace that I need.  The kind of peace that comes over me when I see a shirt that I am just sure I can't live without.  The kind of peace that pushes away the jealousy and envy that my heart so easily turns to.  The kind of peace that the angels brought to Mary, Joseph, and the Shepherds long ago.  The kind of peace that Jesus brought to us.  The kind of peace that allows me to live in His plan for my life...I mean if Mary and Joseph could find peace in their crazy, scary situation, then I can at least try to experience God's peace in my crazy life.


Please note that Peace on Earth by Casting Crowns is a great song for this time of year...especially if you are seeking His peace