Hot Pursuit

Last week Tuesday my mom and I went and had a shopping day.  There I said it.  I.went.shopping.

And then on Friday night, I went again.

Ok, fine, I went Saturday night too.

Now before you all jump ship and label me a loser, I want you to know that I did not buy any clothes for myself or my kids.  I even went into OshKosh with a $10 reward certificate and spent it on undies.  Ugly boy undies none-the-less.  I don't understand why they can't even be sort of cute.  I saw plenty of other cute things in there, but nope, I bought underwear.  Bless it.

All of those shopping trips have been for Christmas gifts.  And I have been doing Christmas shopping like it's nobody's business.  And I am done.  So I guess I am done shopping until May then too.  Awesome.

Oh, I do have a point in all of this, so stick with me.  

Through all of this shopping and pursuing of the right gifts, I haven't felt like I did those first few weeks of my fast.  The first month I was in hot pursuit of God's direction and will.  But the "honeymoon" period is over, and I think I lost a little steam after that first month.

My husband can relate.

Not sure if it's because of the Christmas shopping I have been doing, or if I am just getting comfortable with the whole situation, but I do feel like I am a little disconnected right now.  

I am reading Christmas is Not Your Birthday by Mike Slaughter, and came across this little paragraph today that caught my attention:

Only when we realize how far we have strayed from the one who loves us so deeply and unconditionally can we respond in radical faith.  And when we passionately pursue God as our defining life center, then everything else will be rightly ordered.

As I read that I felt that nudge, that quiet whisper that told me that I have perhaps strayed from God a bit over the last week or so.  I quickly and easily fell back into the routine of shopping, even if it wasn't for clothes.  Searching Target after Target for the doll that claimed to be available in each store, only to find out it wasn't(Target, you need to work on that), scanning website after website for the right gift for my mom, and driving from one sports store to another looking for something to make my son happy.  

I think I lost sight of what God was calling me to do in the first place.  Rather than pursuing Him, I have been pursuing the things of this world that will provide temporary happiness for my loved ones. 

So I think I cheated a bit.  Not in the sense that I shopped for clothes, since I didn't do that, but rather in the sense that I put God in second place again, and let shopping for Christmas gifts fulfill me.

The good news is that my Christmas shopping is complete, The Beast is decorated, and my stockings are hung.  

Now I need to be in hot pursuit of God so that my life will have some order to it again...and perhaps ask for a little forgiveness for straying.


Please note that I do realize that Christmas is not my birthday, or my kids', or anybody else's for that matter.  It is Jesus' birthday, but I have yet to figure out how to explain that to 4 little kids and have them understand why they shouldn't get gifts when everybody else is...thoughts for another post perhaps...