Peace

Yesterday marked not only the one-month date for my journey, but it was also the first Sunday of Advent.  Crazy how quick that came after Thanksgiving this year.

Anyway, over the last couple of weeks it seems like no matter what I read or hear it has something to do with peace.

So I have been pondering what peace means to me.  And my initial reaction is that peace comes from about 1pm-2:30pm when my littles are napping.  Peace and quiet.  That is what I long for.

But I'm pretty sure that is not the peace that I am being lead to seek right now.  Although God blesses me with the temporary peace and quiet my ears and body need each day, He is trying to bless me with a different kind of peace. 

This morning in my devotion I read, "Walk with Me along paths of Peace; enjoy the journey in My Presence." (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling)

"Enjoy the journey in My Presence"...I like that.  A lot.  Over the last month I have been, well, sort of enjoying the journey, and I have certainly found myself in God's Presence often. I love how God has opened doors to conversations and relationships that may have otherwise been left alone.  I love how God has started to transform the desires of my heart from what I can purchase, to the things that can't be purchased.  I love it when my husband tells me that I am a better mom & wife after starting this journey.  

What I do not love is how I can still be so easily tempted to stray.  How a 10% off plus free shipping on TOMS makes my heart beat a little faster.  I do not love that when I see certain people wearing new clothes I judge rather than offer compliments.  I do not love the ugly that still lives in my heart.

I need peace.

God's peace. 

Romans 15:13 says, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Oh, I want to trust in him.  In certain areas of my life.  Like I trust in Him with this fast.  But I don't so much trust in Him when it comes to raising my kids.  I mean, I know them well, I have been with them their whole lives, I know what makes them tick, so I got it.  

But I don't.

I often loose my patience, get frustrated, angry, and act unloving towards them.  We can put on a great show when we are out in public, but most days I am overcome with the daunting task of raising 4 kids.  But rather than turning to God for his peace to wash over me, I put on my big-girl panties and do it myself.

I act like my 2-year old.  Fabulous.

And I read in Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Daily, hourly, every minute I need Him to uphold me.  To cover me with his peace so that I may live a life that is pleasing to him.  

I think one of the gifts God wants to bless me with through this fast is peace.  And I think that he is opening my eyes to areas where I need to come clean with Him, depend on Him to strengthen me, so that I can have the peace that is listed with the other fruits of the spirit.

God doesn't really want to give me external peace, it's the internal peace that I need.  The kind of peace that comes over me when I see a shirt that I am just sure I can't live without.  The kind of peace that pushes away the jealousy and envy that my heart so easily turns to.  The kind of peace that the angels brought to Mary, Joseph, and the Shepherds long ago.  The kind of peace that Jesus brought to us.  The kind of peace that allows me to live in His plan for my life...I mean if Mary and Joseph could find peace in their crazy, scary situation, then I can at least try to experience God's peace in my crazy life.


Please note that Peace on Earth by Casting Crowns is a great song for this time of year...especially if you are seeking His peace