Just Stop

So last week I was feeling very attacked.  By satan to be exact.

I was having a pretty good week, when out of nowhere satan started planting seeds of doubt in my head.  I am thinking that it may have something to do with this blog.

This post is going to be pretty raw.  Meaning I am going to write about things that I wouldn't normally share.  With anybody.  Even my man.  And that is saying a lot.

So one of the posts I wrote last week didn't get as many hits as the previous ones.  And satan hopped on that like a kid in a candy store.

And this is what he had to say...Look at that, you loser, nobody wants to read about you.  Why do you think anybody cares?  Nobody cares about what you are doing.  You should just stop.  You are just a nobody who sits at home all day taking care of kids.  What you are typing about is so irrelevant.  People are too busy to care about this so-called sacrifice you are making.  You should just stop.  I mean look at you, you aren't pretty enough or thin enough or put-together enough to be deemed worthy of peoples time and attention.  You know people are judging you, right?  You think you are doing this good thing, when really there isn't anything good about what you are doing.  You should just stop.

And I considered it.

Then I went to church on Sunday, and listened as Craig Broek, a guest pastor, preached on the parable of the mustard seed.  And how a mustard seed starts out so small, but it doesn't take long and that one seed can quickly become a plant that takes over an entire area.  

We read about it in Matthew 13:31-32.  Another parable put he forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is like to a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and sowed in his field; Which indeed is the least of all seeds: but when it is grown, it is the greatest among herbs, and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and lodge in the branches thereof.

As I sat there and listened to the words God gave Craig to speak I wanted to cry.  But I couldn't because I was on praise team that morning, and I had to get back up in front of church...and I would have been a hot mess...again.

How crazy is God's timing.  Seriously.  He knew that I needed to hear those words.  He knew that I needed to be reminded that the success or failure of this blog or fast isn't dependent on how may hits my blog gets.  It's about one thing...that my relationship with God will be strengthened through this, so that I will seek Him to fill me rather than clothes or other things of this world.  

If the only seed that gets planted through this journey is the one in my heart, then I will considered it a success.  If perhaps my seed grows and others want to come and lodge in the branches thereof...wait, that sounds weird.  How about if others find solace in what I am doing, then that is all God.  His Spirit moves on His time, not mine.

I have a good friend who called me up almost immediately after I posted my first blog a month ago.  God bless her, she was so honest with me.  I believe her words went something like this...I think what you are doing is great, but I am not going to do this with you.

After I accused her of being my weakest supporter she has become one of my biggest fans.  And I know that when she told me that she wasn't going to join me it didn't mean that she wanted me to fail. 

Satan, however, does want to see me fail.  And being only 1 month into it, I know he will work on me again.  And I have faith that God will put the right person in my path to undo the lies that satan tries to get me to believe next time, just like He did last week.  

So no, satan, I will not stop.


Please note that I have felt so much love from so many of you over the last month.  And this post is in no way, shape, or form a cry for pity.  So many of you ask how it is really going, and like I mentioned, this is just me being very honest with all of you.  Not looking for any more than what you all have already given me.