The Verdict

A couple of posts ago I wrote about a delivery I had received from my UPS man.  And I'm sure you have all put your lives on hold, waiting to hear what my man decided about the contents of the package.  I can just picture all of you sitting on the edge of your seat waiting to read what follows...it's a nail-biter, so brace yourself.

It's a hung jury.

Here's how it went down.  I took the dress and 2 sweaters that I wanted to keep, hung them up, and put the other skirt and sweater on the shelf to be returned.  I had the dress/sweater combo hanging in the kitchen for a few days, he had many opportunities to comment, he didn't, so it went into the appropriate closet.

But that stupid dress is haunting me.

I swear, I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about that thing.  Should I keep it?  Should I take it back?  She will look so cute in it, but does she need it?  If I keep it, will I be breaking fast?  Did I just fail?  It wasn't that expensive, but could the money be better spent somewhere else?  If she wears it for Christmas, then she will match her sisters and brother, and I thought I covered that in Q&A #1?  So is it better to show up in our Christmas best matching?  Or is that hypocritical, and so we all need to show up wearing a different color?  Who is even going to notice?

For the love.  I have not had a full night of sleep since that dress arrived.  

And I am sitting here with books and Bibles and devotions, trying to find something "right" to say.  And I've got nothin'.

So I'm going to go back to the basics. 

Why am I doing this?  To make myself more dependent on God, and less dependent on the desires of my heart.  Lysa Terkhurst said it best in her book What Happens when Women Say Yes to God: God wants to know if we're willing to give up what we love to Him who loves us more.  He desires for us to open our fists and trust Him with absolutely everything.

Why do I want this dress for her?  Because she will look cute in it, and I feel like we would look put together when we walk into church and she will also look great in pictures if she coordinates with her siblings.  (And don't even act like you don't think about that when planning Christmas clothes.)  Sarah Young wrote in Jesus Calling When you are around other people, you tend to cater to their expectation--real or imagined.  You feel enslaved to pleasing them, and your awareness of My Presence grows dim.  Your efforts to win their approval eventually exhaust you.

So what am I going to do with the dress?  Honestly, I don't know.  My heart is telling me that it needs to go back.  My mind is picturing all the kids sitting in front of the Christmas tree, posing just right for that beloved 'Christmas 2013' picture and telling me to keep it.

It's a dress.  It's not a big deal.  I know, I get that.  

But remember that It Matters to Me, and right now I am struggling.

I am going to look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always as Psalm 105:4 suggests I do, and I know that he will guide me and give me peace in this situation.  

And hopefully a full night of sleep.

Please note that if you happen to see my youngest daughter in a leopard-print dress for Christmas this year, I would prefer grace over judgement.